She's a man, man!

A male Giraffe in disguise as a female human
Originally uploaded by Trilby.

Is it just me, or does Giselle Bundchen look like a trannie with 1) implants and 2) hair extensions?

I don't know which is weirder--RuPaul as a female supermodel. Or this.

Because while RuPaul started out life as a man--and then did an exemplary job of transforming himself into a woman--Miss Bundchen just looks freaky to me. And not in a good way.

Far be it from me to mock a woman for being six foot two inches tall. Far be it from me to scoff at some poor creature who was obviously standing in the wrong line when they were handing out hips. But to hold this specimen up as the height of female pulchritude seems really, really strange. I mean, she'd make kind of a cute boy--albeit a scrawny one sorely lacking in upper body development. But a woman?

Seriously, I could see a pedophile getting into her. In fact, he could point to his collection of Victoria's Secret catalogs as evidence that he really isn't into boys. Because honestly, all he'd have to do is cover up the part of the picture that shows the implants and voila--Michael Jackson's dream date.

Speaking of dates, supermodels are always claiming that they were freaks in high school and couldn't get a date. Well, imagine Exhibit G. over there, without the makeup, professionally done hair, flattering lighting, and pouty facial expression--the result of years of being told she's hot. Do you honestly think she could get a date for the prom?

Well, maybe with Michael Jackson. Although she's really too tall for him.

Parental Warning Advisory

People--in particular Badger and Joke:

This morning when I was in the shower (where I do what passes for Deep Thinking) I was struck by a horrifying realization. That idiotic popular music meme--the one where you thought the punk and ska offerings were on the slim side? Ska shma. Punk shmunk. It gets far, far worse.

Because what about the mainstream stuff that even people like me have heard of?

For instance. This test includes a category for "80s Alternative." Also "80s Pop." Also "Classic Rock." Yet the list of artists doesn't include Elvis Costello--either with or without the Attractions.

Or Talking Heads.

Or--and this is simply mind-boggling, if you ask me--The Rolling Stones.

I mean, is it possible to include a "classic rock" category--and leave out the Stones?

So now my question is this: Shouldn't it be against the law for someone younger than the Olson Twins, and apparently blessed with the IQ of Barney the Purple Public Television Dinosaur to even express an opinion, let alone publish idiotic tests? I mean, I'm all for freedom of speech, but this dweeb is clearly not fit to unlatch my sandals (even if I do buy them at Tarjay.) Yet this moron sees fit to waste the time of his or her betters by concocting a test that reveals only the appalling levels of ignorance currently wreaking havoc on the internet?

It sort of reminds me of an anecdote I heard--the one where the 13 year old asked her mother what was the name of the group that Paul McCartney was in before Wings. Well, I think that 13 year old has probably grown up now and might even be paying a mortgage like real people, but her evil clone is apparently still running amok.

How much do you bet this idiot's parents have the internet connection screened against incoming spam for "pron," "Viiiiiiagra," and the encroachments of so-called "shy neighbor girls." When what they really need to do is protect us, the innocent public, from the stuff that is being disseminated from their computer to the internet.

I see a red meme and I want it painted black.

What sucks, Part 2

Clicking on links in a pal's blog, reading her pals' blogs, and finding two flagrant misuses of the nominative voice, one right after the other.

People, it's "with ME," not "with I." It's "for ME," not "for I." It's "to ME," not "to I."

And it doesn't matter how many other people are involved. I don't want to click on your blog and read "When we moved in next door, Ariel Sharon came over with a case of Moet and Chandon and a six-pack of Tab for Moe, Larry, Curly, Shemp, and I."

Got that?

Now cut it out right now, or me will implode with rage.

What Sucks, Part 1

And now, the first in a series of brief--almost haiku-like--ruminations on things that don't actually piss me off all that much, but which definitely harsh my mellow:

1. People who have gotten rid of the "next blog" thingie at the top of their Blogger blog pages.

Here's a newsflash: just because I'm browsing randomly through blog after blog doesn't mean that I necessarily want to keep reading yours. In fact, it pretty much guarantees that I want to take a quick peek and move on. I mean, yes, I'm wasting time, but there's quality time wasting, and then there's reading about Joao's and Fatima's baby shower. In Portuguese. While cheesey music plays at me. So get over yourself.