Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Carolyn Bissette Kennedy has risen from the dead and is dating Nosferatu
1. Gwyneth, could you please try to look ... I don't know ... different? How in the hell did you get the reputation for being a fashion icon when you look exactly like every other long-bleached-blonde-haired starlet clone? And the aviator shades help a bit, but they can't make that jacket any more cutting edge. And really, a little animation would help, hon. After all, you are an Academy Award-winning actress. So could you stretch yourself and try to act like a human being?
2. Karl, Karl, Karl. Yes, you are livid with rage that Gwyneth looks prettier, younger, and more alive than you do. But let's face it; she's wearing Yet Another Pink Tweed Jacket--like we haven't seen enough of them over the past couple of years--while you have this really fresh Michael Jackson/R2D2 hybrid thing going. So please stop gnawing your face. Yes, the diet is stringent and you are supposed to eat mostly protein, but self-cannibalizing is so 2004 Anorexic-Olson-Twin.