Saturday, December 31, 2005

If only cars ran on cookies, instead of gasoline.

We left New Hampshire at 6:00 a.m. We got to Chicago at 11:00 p.m.

That's seventeen hours in a car. To misappropriate Keats, that is "all ye need to know."

I mean, OK, we made great time even though we hit a bunch of rain in Ohio. And snow in Indiana. But I've spent the entire day in a minivan with my husband and children. And that is all I am capable of writing at the moment, or various small muscles in my face will start twitching uncontrollably. Again. So Happy New Year, and good-bye.

No, wait. I have three more things to say:

1. Harry Potter books on CD totally rock. I've read all the books (except the most recent one) many times. But I still get totally sucked in. The down side of this is getting a speeding ticket in Pennsylvania. I told the state trooper it was Voldemort's fault, but he didn't believe me.

2. My husband is already trying to think of a way to go to New Hampshire from Chicago that doesn't involve 17 hour drives. Like flying to New Hampshire and keeping a car there. What? Did I go through the lengthy energy-draining process
bargaining for a minivan so that we could fly around in airplanes? No way. I want to amortize the time I spent researching cars and dickering with slimey used car salesmen. (Apparently I want to spend all my waking minutes on the highway listening to Harry Potter on CD.)

3. In other news I have to go to a black tie New Year's Eve party and I totally don't want to go, if only because I'm SO FUCKING FAT that nothing I own will fit. On top of which, I'm sick of parties.

Is anyone with me here? Does anyone else out there actually WANT to go on a diet, starting by throwing out all the leftover seasonal fattening foods? Anyone else want to march into the kitchen and throw out all those damned cookies?

Would anyone else like to slap her children back into school, go spend two hours at the gym, and then have a salad and a Diet Coke for lunch?

I'm telling you, right now that sounds great.

I'd be in the kitchen right now tossing out leftover fattening Christmas crappe, except I'm so rotund, I can't move.



  1. I'm with you, babe.

    But reeeeaaaallllyyyy tired....can we hire someone to do the dirty work?

    Preferably young and cute and looking good in a loincloth, and after he finishes cleaning THE WHOLE HOUSE he can feed us grapes....zzzz. Snort.
    What, I was asleep??

  2. I'm with you, P. Except for the gym part. That sounds too much like work. Oh, and I hate to waste food, so we really should EAT all these cookies that are still hanging around. And I hate Diet Pepsi. But all that other stuff, yeah! Let's go!


Gentle Readers:

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xxx, Poppy.