I swiped this from Badger because I don't have an original thought in my head. I have to steal. For which I will be going to hell. And this is what it will be like:
Drinks in my hell:- Scotch
- faux martinis made with sweet liqueurs
- non-Diet Coke
- gin
- cognac
- any combination of hard liquor with anything carbonated--say, Scotch and Diet Moxie
- instant coffee with Cremora and Sweet and Low
- seared tuna
- margarine
- kiddy breakfast cereals
- bologna
- Doritos
- casseroles made with cream of anything soup
- baked beans
- Jell-O salads
- salads with marshmallows
- Circus Peanut candy
- Wonder Bread
- proctologist
- endodontist
- podiatrist
- customer service representative
- sommelier
- the person who stands at one end of a chunk of road construction telling drivers when they can proceed
- clown for children's birthday parties
- The Eagles
- America
- Chicago
- Three Dog Night
- Gordon Lightfoot
- Heavy Metal
- "smooth jazz"
- Schoenberg
- Alban Berg
- William Bolcom
- John Tavener
- Muzak
Authors in my hell: Ayn Rand; Norman Mailer; John Updike; Philip Roth; Christian Metz; Barbara Cartland; Ann Coulter
Husbands in my hell: Rush Limbaugh; Tom Cruise; Michael Douglas; Ted Kennedy; Newt Gingrich; Dr. Phil; Donald Trump
Only activities allowed in my hell:
- undergoing mammography
- cleaning the basement
- listening to Rush Limbaugh
- taking children to McDonald's
- taking children to Chuck E. Cheese
- going to the Secretary of State's office for a new license picture
- having teeth cleaned. Or drilled.
- being weighed
- going to a benefit or wedding with a loud band, bad food, and a bunch of total strangers at your table--and then a few of the guys start smoking cigars
- taking the car in for service and having to wait in a waiting room with a television blaring
- watching shopping channels
- long turbulent flights with screaming children and someone using a barf bag nearby
Oh, I am so with you on the seared tuna. What is with the cooked on the outside and mushy raw on the inside? That's not cuisine, that's a mistake. Throw some fennel on your list and it pretty much matches mine. I might eat the beans, if hell is a barbecue.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad chocolate wasn't anywhere on that list. :)
ReplyDeleteAs re: music, you just don't know what's good.
ReplyDeleteGood call on the huzbins though.
Tsk! Just because I don't like Metal. Or Chicago.
ReplyDeleteWait until you get to the entry where I admit that I don't drink vodka.