Wednesday, April 25, 2007

More Shoes! Less Whining!

OK, here's an awful truth. I use my links to get to your blogs, but I also depend heavily upon Bloglines. And there are times when that gets depressing. Because Bloglines always tells me how many subscribers other bloggers have.

I simply can't get over these numbers. For one thing, it feels weird. Because in real life, I have a super-sized, life-of-the-party, hey-listen-to-me! oh-God-won't-someone-please-shut-her-up personality.

But on the blogosphere? Apparently not so much.

Check it out:

Badger has 31 subscribers. Which is not enough. But it's more than I have. So if you're reading this (even though I know you're not) you should subscribe to her blog. And by the way, this is not merely enlightened self-interest talking. Even though Badger sends me a lot of clicks. )

Blackbird has 71. More than me. And yet--greedily--she wants more. And has even designed a business card. Which I should think about doing. I guess. Even though I will feel stupid walking around Blogher handing out business cards when everyone will immediately sense, with that razor-sharp perception common to all bloggers, that I am a useless fat housewife who's only there for the margaritas. And something to blog about.

Then there's The Amazing Shrinking Mom, who, in losing 40 or 50 pounds, has gained 84 subscribers. Which, hello? I'm fat, too.

And now, as a sorbet to cleanse the palette, I will tell you that Miss Doxie has 469 well-deserved subscribers. Yes, that's a lot, but frankly, I think she should have more. This is because I have a crush on Miss Doxie. Either that, or I want to be Miss Doxie when I grow up. If she were coming to BlogHer, I'd probably follow her around and beg her to doodle me a picture of one of her dogs. But she's probably not coming, because she has a career. And, you know, a life.

finslippy has 861. Yes, there are 860 other people out there who like to keep tabs on exactly how difficult she is finding it to adjust to life in the suburbs. Come on, everyone. Haven't you been reading my blog? The suburbs suck, and I've been saying it since 2004. Oh, whoops, that's right. I forgot. Nobody reads me.

Go Fug Yourself has 863 subscribers--Yay, fuglies! You go! Beat finslippy!

Dooce has 4,576. (Would someone please tell me why? Because yeah, she's funny and cute, but aren't we all? Except for me, I mean. finslippy is just as cute as dooce, and Miss Doxie is even cuter. So explain this, please. I'm serious. Please tell me why, because if you don't, I'm going to suspect that it's a secret Mormon thing, and there go Milt Romney's chances with me.)

And then, the number that puts my whole ridiculous microdrama into perspective:

Manolo has 8,563.

And the moral of the story is: when in doubt, talk about shoes.