MTV's Video Music Awards needs help

And I'm here to do it. Everyone knows that the VMAs have the stupidest categories ever. And they keep coming up with brand-new, even-stupider ones. But honestly. "Most Earth Shattering Collaboration?" Talk about pretentious ... does anyone care? Earth-shattering my ass. Which--actually--it could. Shatter the earth, I mean.

The simple truth is this: no matter how hard MTV tries to invent stupid new categories, I can think of even stupider ones. All by myself. No focus group needed. Such as:

1. Best Song not recorded by a Female Pop Star because she's in Rehab
2. Best Old Song that always Sucked Big Time getting a new lease on life by being Covered by a half-way decent Band--and actually sounding kind of OK
   
3. Best Collaboration between one Pop star who is fading, and one who is Dead
4. Best Song that may never be released to Video because the Singer shaved all her hair off and can't stop Sucking down Frappuccinos
   
5. Best Song designed to spark Sales of what is obviously just another Greatest Hits collection with 1 new track added
6. Best Song by a former Child Star--now completely clapped out and scary
   
7. Best Song by an Artist who has decided to end our suspense and admit to being Gay-- color us Surprised!
8. Best Video by Anyone who used to boink Heather Locklear, Helena Christensen, Kate Hudson, or Cher.
9. Best Video by a group whose members are now--or could easily be--members of AARP.
10. Best Video by a group None of whose members ever did Drugs. Not even prescription.