Sunday, September 09, 2007

It's Poppy, bitch.

So guess what? I'm live blogging the MTV Video Music Awards! Aren't I trendy!

Two things you need to know right away:

Britney Spear's big comeback vehicle, "Gimme More," or whatever it's called isn't just a lame song; it's a lame song that was being lipsynched by a zombie. I mean, you can't even call it lipsynching, because half the time she didn't even bother to move her lips in time to the lyrics; she just smiled a little bit. And looked like she was wondering whatever happened to the big snake.

As for dancing, Lucille Ball danced more energetically in Mame. And she was 63 at the time.

But even I, who practically made a career out of snarking Britney Spears over at Mamarazzi, felt sorry for her when as soon as she got off the stage, Sarah Silverman (the comedienne currently showing up in Gap ads)--came out and basically trashed the performance, trashed Britney, called Britney's kids mistakes--and got a bigger reaction than Britney did.

I felt a little sorry for Britney. And pissed off at this Sarah person. So I turned off the television. In protest, I guess.

Either that, or I was feeling territorial.

Because when I'm around, no one else gets to make fun of Britney.


  1. And as you most likely know, Britney Spears is an anagram of "Presbyterians." (Maybe she'll take it as a sign, and get religion.) Which I know because it came up in a crossword puzzle a while back. So rather than think of herself as a no-talent, she can tell herself, "Yes, even though my personal, professional, and public life is in a shambles, my life DOES have meaning: I was a clue in The New York Times Sunday Crossword puzzle."

    That and her inadvertent audition for the remake of "Basic Instinct."

  2. And nobody snarks Britney as well as you. Kudos.

  3. The (click) goddam (click click click) video (click) won't (clicky clickitty click click click) GO! (click).

    Damn ut!

  4. I detest award shows and don't know any Britney songs other than that ghastly inescapable "oops" song from years ago. So thanks for watching these things so I don't have to.

    There was a picture of her and some backup dancers in the L.A. Times this morning. They mentioned the fuzzy, dazed non-lip-synching. They also said she looked "out of shape." OK, she wasn't sporting a six-pack. But I should look so out of shape.

  5. The video has apparently been cut off for some silly copyright thing. Like it's not all over the news everywhere anyway. She sucked. But everyoen calling her fat just pissed me off. I should look so good after having a few kids. And I have no idea who Susan Silverman is and I didn't even watch the show, but for her to do what you say she did was just rude, crude and mean. As bad as Britney was, I hope the reaction the so-called comedienne received was boos and hisses.

  6. Sarah Silverman is a fucking bitch. She's tying to copy Kathy Griffin and failing miserably. At least Kathy is funny. Sarah isn't. I cringed the entire time.

  7. Actual Sarah Silverman is a much respected and very funny comedian who has her own show on Comedy Central, made a HILARIOUS movie,Jesus is Magic, was one of the funniest people in The Aristocrats and had hosted before. I am shocked all you blogging, read the internet crap endlessly, culture vultures, profess to know nothing about her. I am suspicious. Plus she is Jimmy Kimmel's girlfriend. By the way her comedy is nothing like Griffin,s. She only does the celebrity thing when she is like hosting a celebrity SHOW and she is there to make fun of them. Now that I straightened you all out about her.....

    Britney is actually beyond being made fun of at this point. It is sad all the way and she is just a kid and even I in all my bitchy glory think now it is just a low blow. It was painful to watch and we should just sit shiva for her by covering all our TV and PC screens for a week.

  8. Like Gabe, I LOVE Sarah Silverman. She's brilliant and irreverent and fantastically hilarious when not hosting MTV Awards Shows. As for Britney, that whole enterprise was pretty depressing last night.

  9. I was too pained by Britney's number to watch anything else... I switched over to "Rock of Love"... cuz that is less trashy. ;-)

  10. They should have opened with Chris Brown. He and his little dancers could teach Brit a thing or two.

  11. Sarah Silverman isn't funny, and will never be funny. I have tried time and again to understand her humor, but vulgar jokes and just plain meanness is never funny.

    Britney is a sad situation, and kicking her when she's down is not classy (or funny). Hopefully Britney will make a change in her life.

  12. I couldn't rid myself of the suspicion that MTV hired Britney knowing that Silverman was hosting and fully aware that Silverman would go after her.

    And if by some miracle Britney got it together and pulled off an amazing performance, Silverman could suck it up and make fun of someone else. Like, say, Paris Hilton.

    Either way, it would be a win/win for MTV.

    What do you think? Am I too cynical?

  13. And surely you jest because of course they knew both who was appearing AND who was hosting. But Silverman is the one who famously made fun of Paris just hours before she went to jail at the MTV Movie Awards. Paris was shocked but it was funny. I think if you can't take the heat then you need to turn on the air conditioner and chill out. Remember when they stop making fun of you they might not be talking about you at all and then where would they all be!!!

  14. Well, yeah, duh, of course they knew who was opening the show and who was hosting.

    I meant that MTV benefits whether Britney pulled it off and was unexpectedly brilliant, or fell on her face and made herself perfect fodder for Silverman snarkage.

    And that just seems really calculated and mean-spirited to me.

  15. Yes, somewhat like when you (read: me)trash your own family. Absolutely fine and infact often hilarious. But if anyone else so much as casts the slightest pallor(sp?) about them, it's over.

  16. That said, her performance so woeful and the side-effects of her meds so clearly ignored (this medication may make you feel drowsy/disinterested/bemused at your own failings - do not attempt dance moves or wrapping your body around that of buff male dancers unless willing to endure endless international criticism) it was just delicious to watch. I believe it was almost enchanting.

  17. 1- Sarah Silverman is woefully dull, tedious, boring and whatever else Roget may have to say on the subj.

    2- Britney is a train wreck. We got the point.

    3- MTV sucks, and has sucked for many a year.

    4- Poppy, please inform TSMYM that you have been flagged as a copyright infringerist!

    5- You ARE cynical, which is why we a dore you and have a small shrine in your honor.


  18. Poppy they HAD to have known what would happen. Was she at rehearsals?? She had to have been bombing them, if she was even there, and if not there, then how did they expect she was going to pull off a decent performance?? Set-up... all the way. I almost feel sorry for her. Almost. After all, she is supposed to be an adult. She makes choices like we all do, and she's quite obviously chosen badly.

  19. Her video wasn't that bad... considering everyone knows its lipsynced anyway. I was irritated at the "fat" remarks I've read other places. She's not fat. And Sarah Silverman is a soulless bitch who can't have kids of her own because she's not fully human.

  20. It's kind of weird we all feel so personal over Britney. I need to put my time into Darfur. In exchange for the press, whether good or bad, we shower these mortals with the goods of the gods. They live in ways we cannot dream and if the price they pay is...snarkage. So be it. I will stand naked before all and let you make comments if you will give me 700,000 a month (Brit's monthly income). You can even make fun of my dog.


Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.