Help

Yesterday I was heading out for my voice lesson. I was leaving the house through the garage carrying my purse, music, and four packages I needed to mail.

I managed to slam the door on my fingertip.

I immediately pulled off my glove and checked, and my finger was not actually crushed--it just felt that way. It wasn't even bleeding. But my fingernail was already starting to turn purple.

So anyway, I drove to my lesson--whimpering--and when I got there, I got a glass of ice water and spent the next hour soaking my finger and singing a Mozart aria.

This morning, I was cutting a plastic ice skate blade protector so it would fit my children's ice skates, and managed to slice off part of my thumbnail with the bread knife I was (stupidly) using.

So I have only one question:

Where's Tom Cruise when I need him?

Guy spends all his time uploading videos of himself to the internet where he brags about how he's here to help. Hello, Tom, I needed someone to hold the door for me--or shorten those blade protectors--and where were you? Probably still talking to the camera.

What a douchebag.