Sunday, March 08, 2009

Are you there, God? It's me, Noah.

The following are making me crazy:

1. The rain, which has been falling for what feels like a Biblical length of time.

Any second now migrating ducks and geese are going to glance downward and decide to go for a swim in the huge puddles in what used to be my lawn. Driving has that "wheeeee!" amusement park feel to it because no matter where you go, you can't help but splash through six inches of water. And I just had to muck out the drain in my garage to prevent gallons of water from heading into my basement.

Thank God for twitter. A few minutes ago @jasmined mentioned that the sun was out, which saved me the trouble of finding a dove to send out. Otherwise I'd be drowning my sorrows by lying face down in the protected wetlands area formerly known as "my yard."

2. Vast amounts of church-going added to an already overloaded schedule.

Yes, I sing in a choir and yes, my son does too, and yes, he's in eighth grade so yes, he has confirmation class, and yes, OK, the confirmation class does service projects so FINE he needs to be at church for an extra two hours to cook chili for a soup kitchen, but NO I will not be going to sing at this afternoon's Taizé service because hello? ENOUGH is ENOUGH. (Even though with all the rain, I should be trying to avert any additional heavenly wrath.)

3. Cyberbullying.

Remember when I said that the Girl Scouts were doing a special Thinking Day about cyberbullying, and I wondered whether they really understood the concept? I was also afraid that our presentations were just going to give them new ways to pick on each other. This was not the point, of course, but that's exactly what happened. So now I've gone all lioness-defending-her-cub.

Also, I'm probably going to stop writing about Magic Wands and swearing a blue streak, because the little cyberthugs discovered my YouTube profile and are over here reading my blog even as we speak.

Sheesh, as if all this damned laundry, cooking, cleaning, and non-cyber-child-rearing weren't enough to keep me busy. (Not to mention the drain in the garage floor. Or the wrath of Jehovah.)


  1. I live in fear of my kids' peers ever discovering my blog. That's why I rarely talk about them (the kids, I mean) over there anymore. Although there's plenty of ammo in my archives for any little shitheads inclined to use it. Argh.

  2. Of course they found you. Because it would be super boring if they did not. Now you can enjoy altering the tone of all your posts and using your nice words like I do most days because my kids TEACHERS found mine. Crap.

  3. Well, you could always use your blog as a place to post things that are, by design, intended to scare the young'uns into shape about whatever. Plant dis- or mis-information, as it were. But just establish a code word with the rest of us first, 'kay?!

  4. Well, the weird thing is I don't actually talk about my kids that much. I'm far too self-centered to mommyblog.

    I mean, I'll discuss them when I'm done talking about myself, m'kay?*

    As for the language ... I suppose I do kind of let it rip. My excuse is that I'm the writer and the editor, and you can't serve both God and Mammon. Or something like that.

    Anyway, serves the little shits right for coming here in the first place.

    * And Hitachi Magic Wands.

  5. Screw the cyberthugs. They already know all this anyway.


  6. It's a Brave New World... full of rain and little shitheads.

  7. Completely off topic - but I loved that link you made at Her Bad Mother to the Guy de Maupassant short story. That was cool, although google books ate the middle of it. Still. Thanks.

  8. Oh, piss. What a miserable situation. How counterproductive to be forced to aggressively censor yourself on your own blog thanks to a few bullies. And how much less fun for us, your devoted readers.

    On the upside, you've given me something new to worry about for my kids' cyberfuture, and I needed something new to worry about. A tad inconvenient, however, as I seem to have figured out in the last few days that my blog is apparently about adventures in brain chemistry. I can hear the insults now.

  9. You know, I have determined that I simply can't CARE whether anyone finds my blog or my other numerous internet social activities. It's 2009 and frankly, anyone that hasn't learned that parents are human, or the simple principle of "live and let live," by this time in our collective history...can just suck it up and deal with it.

    I'm not like all the other mommies. Funny thing is, most of the "other mommies" aren't what they appear to be. I, for one, am going to be genuine, even if it stirs up some controversy or less than glowing opinions of me, or whatever.

    I raised my children to value diversity and authenticity. Maybe their teachers, their friends, and the church need a lesson in that anyway. Granted, I don't have grade schoolers at home, but I'm not sure if, for me, that would even matter.

    Your blog is wonderful, articulate, sincere, sometimes raw, and always uplifting, thought provoking, and entertaining. Anyone that has issues with THAT...has far more problems than you or I, or most bloggers (in my opinion).


Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.