Sunday, March 22, 2009

Questions, I need questions

OK, first of all, here's a news update, since it's been so long since I actually sat and typed an actual blog post: I'm in New Hampshire for spring break. And before I left Chicago I was up to my earlobes in volunteer work--attending bored meetings, making phone calls, trying to find a sucker to be next year's hospitality chair--the usual crap.

Although I have to admit that my overseeing of eighth grade musical rehearsals has been substantially cut back, possibly as a result of my calling one of the kids a douche bag.

Which leaves me wondering whether that's a one-size-fits-all solution to MY ENTIRE LIFE. I mean, I'm sure the possibility that I might call their white-haired old ladies "douche bags" would sharply decrease the number of jobs The National Society of the Colonial Dames in the State of Illinois might ask me to do.

It's a thought.

Anyway, on Tuesday I've got to put up a BlogHer Beauty Hacks post, and so far, the only idea I've had is that of visiting the Cosmetic Center store in the outlets in Kittery, Maine, and checking out what's available. But the store might have closed, or they might not have anything except a bunch of those sparkly little compacts Estee Lauder produces every year at Christmas time. Full of solid perfume in signature Estee Lauder scents. You know, Youth-Dew, or Beautiful. And reminding me of a cross between a Jay Strongwater bibelot and a Walgreen's perfume counter. Which would only be of interest to crazed collectors.

Not what I want to write about.

So I would be really thrilled if you'd ask me a few questions, particularly about makeup and skin care. It would help prime the pump. I am not nearly as sure-handed with fashion questions--take those to blackbird--but I know my way around a makeup counter like you wouldn't believe.

N. B. I did fulfill my contractual obligation to put up my usual Friday Mamarazzi post, and I would be so grateful if you'd check it out and let me know whether I'm off-base in claiming that Kelly Osbourne is deserving of our heart-felt devotion. I mean, is she really awesome, or is she mostly notable for having survived thus far, given her parentage?


  1. Dear Poppy,

    I gave birth to my third (and closing) child less than 2 weeks ago. I had forgotten that being pregnant for nearly three of the last five years would mean that my uterus will most likely appear to be on the outside of my body, rather than on the inside, where it belongs. I was wondering if you had some one-minute makeup tips for the lazy person who wants to draw attention away from her stomach. Nothing too complicated that would take time away from pulling a child off the top of the fridge.

    I Never Thought I Could Look This Bad

  2. Spent too much time outdoors playing sports wondering what can I use that really works for freckles, and icky spots on the hands? What about getting crepe skin after weight loss? And what cream actually reduces the appearance of the frown furrows between the eyes over the nose, I know there is a lot out there, but what works and for how much? With pink being so in for spring what color works best for most skin types? Its a lot to ask but you have so many answers, please help O Poppy Wan-Kenobi

  3. Here's my question - I tried out a new eyebrow waxing person, and she gave me the eyebrows of a 20-year-old porn star. You know, nothing more than a thin, arched line. Gasp! How does one go about growing out eyebrows?

  4. Please help me with a solution for age spots---I'm in my early 40's! Also, frustrated because I now avoid the sun, but can't use even the lightest self-tanners, because they settle in age spots, making them even more horrific. I don't mind being pale, but hate being spotty.

    Signed, I hate Coco Chanel

  5. if there was a way to stop looking kind of grey and tired and wan that would be good (don't say sun, I live in the North West of England)

    I don't know about Kelly. I'm too old you know. Isn't she four?

  6. Ack. I have the SAME problem - I've got nothing for my next hack...but for YOU? For you I have questions.

    I would like a tinted moisturizer for the spring/summer. One with spf. I don't know where to begin! I'd like a recommendation for a department store brand and a drugstore brand.

  7. Do I have questions!

    We just returned from a rustic weekend trip. I considered myself lucky to throw a deodorant and a toothbrush in my bag before the car packed with fishing gear.

    What do smart women pack, beauty-wise, for casual travel--what they normally use at home or a separate set of cosmetics altogether?

    --shinier than a fresh brook trout

  8. I'm 45 and have never used make-up. I know, weird. But now I am wondering what I can use that doesn't look make-up-y, but that would accentuate my eyes and upper cheekbones and thus draw attention away from my rapidly sagging jowls and starting-to-wrinkle neck. Help?

    Also, I guess I should thin out my eyebrows a bit, but how?

  9. Would love to hear of something that is not expensive (read pretty cheap) and makes under eye darkness and puffiness go away!

  10. Ack! That solid perfume site really takes me back. We got one in our stockings every year when I was a kid. I always cleaned mine out to use as little trinket boxes. Gah! Choking on the memory of Charlie and Tigress solid perfume now.

  11. I don't have any questions. But great choice with the New Hampshire spring break! Hope you're enjoying our frigid spring weather!

  12. Ding ding ding! We have a winner! And it's blackbird!

    Feast your eyes on this Beauty Hacks post about tinted moisturizers:

    As for the rest of your questions, oy. The age spots, lines, crepey skin, and eyebrows are things I'll actually need more time to research. Like that "Better than Botox" crappe. Is it hooey or does it actually do anything? WHO KNOWS?

    But thanks for priming the pump. I was pulling my hair out. And thinking about writing a post about female blogger pattern baldness.

  13. I know you've moved on from this post, but, if you would, please look into red lipsticks for me... I tend towards the pinky-browns, but, in these troubled economic times I want my mouth to look festive.

  14. I have a question but it's not related to cosmetics or any thing like that (I really do need to keep up with my reading here better than I have been)

    Why the hell didn't you tell us sooner about how to get out of doing things volunteery at school when we'd rather NOT be doing them? I mean sheesh... it's so simple.. call a kid a douche bag. Why didn't *I* think of that? I wonder if calling the principle at the computer lab a douche bag will get me out of being her advisor for the next couple years while I get my last kid graduated...

  15. Firstly, I LOVE the blog look!

    Secondly, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY point me in the direction of something that gets rid of blackheads. I have pretty good skin but the blackheads on my nose have set up camp and refuse to leave.

  16. I'm 56 and despite plenty of sleep, I have dark circles under my eyes that just will not go away. I know I need concealer, but I'm not a makeup maven and I have absolutely no clue as to what I really need. If it were left to me, I'd buy that flesh colored white-out lipstick stuff, if they still made it. Which I'm sure they don't. I use no face makeup at all, I hate ANYTHING even slightly greasy or thick, and I'm not big on that mineral makeup (my daughter uses it and it looks weird on me). I just need something to get rid of the dark circles. Any recommendations?


Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.