Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Hey geniuses! Invent these! (Please?)

Hey, I'm not one of those mommybloggers who can't seem to stop whining about teensy-tiny imaginary problems. I'm not all "Wanh-wanh, I have a hangnail!"

Or "Shit! Taking care of babies is really hard! And kind of boring! Nobody ever told me that! It's not fair!"

Not me, I suck it up.

So I'm not complaining--exactly--when I mention that for some reason, I dreamed up some nifty inventions today--inventions that will take the world by storm. Or would, if I actually had the engineering skills to actually make them.

Seriously, they're that good. And so, for the better good, I'll act like a newspaper and give my ideas away for free on the internet.

(That way I can go around telling people I'm as intelligent as The New York Times.)

OK, here goes:

1. Individual clear Astrodome-style roofs for yards. This would be perfect for keeping any and all precipitation off my yard when I want to be outside. Just think--no more spoiled Memorial Day cookouts!

Oh, and hey, while you're at it, the same thing except bigger for country clubs, historic houses, and mansions. Wouldn't it be nice to know that you can celebrate your wedding or your kid's graduation without worrying about rain? Of course it would. See? Genius.

2. A muffler for my blow-dryer. Rock concerts and earbuds are getting a bad rap. They aren't what's destroying my hearing: the 20 pound screaming behemoth that dries my hair is the culprit. Come on, if we can muffle a car, we can shush a Conair.

3. Some robot arms to help with blow-drying would be nice, too. Am I right?

4. OK, I saved the best for last. Honestly, I'll give up inventions 1-3 for this one: a mute button for my kids.


  1. I like the dome idea.

    Did you know that you can buy quiet hair dryers? I have one by Conair that I've used for years.

  2. I was just saying yesterday that if you could invent something to keep people with 40 items out of the express lane, you'd be a millionaire.

  3. Can I have a mute button for my husband, too?

  4. If you come up with a mute button for kids, I'd pay every cent I have for one.

    Vikki at www.backyardgrocerygardening.blogspot.com

  5. The dome is such a good idea. Although in SF stories, it has drawbacks--I'm mostly thinking of M.T. Anderson's Feed and Clare Dunkle's The Sky Inside.

    Closest I've ever gotten to a mute button for my kids is a button I wear occasionally that has the word "whining" written on it and crossed out with a "no" sign.

  6. Please do not distract science. I've got them working on a fat pill. This is too critical to be interrupted!

  7. Clearly your talents are WASTED.

  8. About Idea #1: http://tinyurl.com/pxf9yq

    I got a million of em! Crazy retro pics, that is.


Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.