Friday, July 03, 2009

This should hold you while I make potato salad

Hey everybody! Want to come to our Fourth of July cookout? And the pile into my van and drive to the town playing field to watch the fireworks?

What could be more patriotic than serving trademarked foods?

What--you already have plans? You don't know where Newtopia is? You suspect that we'll overcook the burgers? In general, "no, thank you?"

THANK GOD. Because internet, I don't mean to be ungracious, but I think I invited everyone I know to my house for dinner tomorrow night, and I only have so much refrigerator space. Also, Mr. Buxom informs me that the hose thing that brings the gas to the grill has a leak, so we're going to have to use charcoal.

So I've decided to make a big platter of fried chicken.

Just so you know? I don't garnish my fried chicken with lettuce.
Low calorie unprocessed foods must never touch high calorie
processed foods. It's not kosher.

That will free up the Weber for the ribs. Then when the ribs are cooked, we can do individual hot dogs and hamburgers for the people who want them.

For sides, I'll make cole slaw, potato salad, and The World's Most Fattening Salad.

For dessert, I'd really love to make real strawberry shortcake the way my mother always made it, with real biscuits, real whipped cream, and a big bowl of hulled, sliced strawberries macerating in sugar until they saucify themselves.

But I know I won't be that organized, so the kids' dessert will be ice cream treats or individual Jell-Os with aerosol whipped cream. With a fancy fruit salad for the grown-ups. You know, maybe one of those oh-so-impressive watermelon baskets.

I could totally make this. Complete with those garnishes that look like pasties.

So listen, I've got to come up with a grocery list and shop and get cooking.

In the meantime, I posted an entry to Mamarazzi. It's not my greatest. In fact, it's an easy sleazy post-a-video entry. But listen, people: the cream might come RediwippedTM, but that Jell-O isn't going to make itself.


  1. Crap! Are you sure you don't have room for one more?? that sounds AWESOME!

    Now I'm all hungry

  2. It seems so wrong to tell us the menu and leave us off the guest list. Just sayin'. Am so ashamed of what I'm serving our guests Sunday now...

  3. I'm bringing baked beans and a 'dump cake'.

    After all, nothing says love like homemade! (Even if it's coming out of a can.)

  4. Jello doesn't make itself?!?! Who's huge culinary oversight is THAT??? Was Betty Crocker crocked? Anyway, enjoy your scrumpy feast!!

  5. is that a watermelon? I swear it's a marrow. I don't like the idea that it even looks like a marrow.

  6. Haven't been here in a while but I like your posts, only your background is really ugly and takes a long time to load. What is that thing that sticks into the middle and looks like labia with suckers?

  7. Dude, that fruit salad is freaking me out.


Gentle Readers:

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xxx, Poppy.