Saturday, March 06, 2010

30 Days to 10 years younger--10 minute tips. Tip 5: Perk up the girls

I live very near a very large high school, so for the past 12 years, I've become increasingly conscious of teenaged breasts. Specifically, how high up they are.

Supposedly, when you're wearing a bra, your nipple is supposed to be halfway between your shoulder and your elbow. Would somebody tell these teenaged girls? Because seriously, their nipples appear to be an inch south of their collarbones. If that.

For proof, check out 15-year old Michelle Trachtenberg (and 23-year-old Sarah Michelle Gellar.)

Now check out Bea Arthur as Maude.

Or check out Meryl Streep and Amanda Seyfried in Mamma Mia.

Bea and Meryl don't look terrible. In fact, they both look pretty great. But they would both have benefited from a bit more lift and separate.

I want you to try on every bra you own and get rid of any that aren't working. If you're using the tightest hook and the highest strap setting but you still fail the pencil test, you've achieved bra fail. Ditto if you've washed it so many times that it's getting hard to read the label. And if you can't remember where and when you bought it, chances are it isn't doing what you paid it to do.

This also includes bathing suits.

Uma, Uma, Uma. Please. You know better.

So please. Toss out the bras that have passed their expiration date. Today.

Remember, diamonds are forever, but the same can't be said of spandex.


  1. That advice is solid gold. And who doesn't like lingerie shopping? I especially... in fact, I think I wrote three, possibly four posts on that very subject. Well, close to that subject.

  2. That picture of Uma made my day...AND I was fitted and purchased new bras last weekend.
    You are right again - I'm looking downright perky.

  3. Wait a second - if the bra is working, you are supposed to fail the pencil test.

    And if I found a bra that enabled me to fail the pencil test, I wouldn't be able to walk around without giving myself 2 black eyes.

  4. High five to Suburban Correspondent!

    I am in a panic because Goddess is discontinuing the bra style I have worn for OVER 20 YEARS!!! The girls require a lot of architecture to achieve any decent degree of "lift and separate" (actually, I'm not sure it's physically possible to least not when in an upright position) and this style is the only one I have found that fits properly. What am I going to do???

  5. what is the pencil test? how does it work?
    and seperate - according to the mamma mia picture: what should have been more seperated here?



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xxx, Poppy.