Things that cheer me up: scoring something cute for a rock-bottom price

Ever since the presidential election, I've been in something of a funk. Which is my understated manner of expressing my desire to lie in bed and load myself with carbs while obsessively hanging around Facebook with my fellow leftie Bolshies bitching about politics and making donations to Planned Parenthood in Mike Pence's name.

But once in a while, something will peep through the clouds.

I recently read a post on Looks Good From the Back about the Barney's Warehouse sale, and raced over, where I scored this pair of purple suede pumps.

That's right--original price: $295, sale price: $119, extra 40 percent off price: $71.40. And with a three percent eBates rebate, too.

Call me shallow, but the gloom has lightened a bit. Thanks, Obama!

Mad about the bow, or, Root, Shoot, Marry: the Ferragamo Shoe

Welcome to Root, Shoot, and Marry: the Ferragamo shoe edition.

This is the classic Australian drinking game (that I would never have known about if the internet hadn't told me, so thank you, Bec of the Ladies' Lounge.) In the traditional game, you get the name of three men, and you decide which you'd have sex with, kill, or marry.

Of course, I cleaned it up somewhat by making it about shoes, rather than shagging. Ferragamo shoes, to be precise.

Look, I realize that Ferragamo shoes are essential equipment for old ladies who clip coupons, play bridge, and whip out pictures of their grandchildren. But Ferragamo is one of the last shoe manufacturers to make shoes in a variety of widths. And this is very bridge-playing-old-lady of me, but I have wide feet that are not getting any narrower, so I buy Ferragamos once in a while.

But even I have my limits.

Root

First, the shoe I would boink:

New Bisque patent Susi 100, available at Bluefly

The Susi 100 stiletto is a tasteful pointed toe pump with a graceful cut and no Icky Toe Cleavage. I've never owned a pair, but have a pair like them in taupe suede with a slightly lower heel. I've been known to wear them for hours, absolutely agony-free.

In my fevered imagination, these shoes are clearly the bad boys who will give you a delightful time of it, even if you're only together for a short while.

Even when that time is spent walking and standing on hard surfaces.

Shoot

This is the shoe I would kill: an excrescence available on Bluefly.com, which, by the way, is where I get the vast majority of my Ferragamos. Bluefly tends to only stock C-width Ferragamos, but that works out well for me. The shoes are priced about $200 less than retail, and I can save even more using eBates. Win/win/win, sayeth Poppy of the tragically wide feet.

The Varina flat in A) leopard print pony skin with B) a contrasting kid toe

C) grommet trim, D) a signature Ferragamo bow

And, in case that wasn't enough, E) a magenta suede heel. MAGENTA.

Wow, what an amazing surprise that these shoes didn't sell out at full retail and ended up on Bluefly. I. AM. SHOCKED.

Sarcasm aside, these shoes will make you look like every shoe fashion trend from the past three years has vomited all over your feet. (Valentino rockstuds! Color blocking! Leopard print! Designer trademark visible at 20 paces!)

They are available for the perfectly disgusting price of $528.00. No, that is not an affiliate link; it's there so you can examine these shoes in more detail, show them to your family and friends, and increase the world's available stock of sarcastic remarks and general mockery.

On the other hand, if you buy these shoes, I will reach through your computer screen and strangle you.

Don't mess with me; I just saw Carmen and I'm feeling both passionate and deadly.

Marry

And third, the shoe I could live happily ever after with--the classic Vara. Yes, the ultimate old-lady comfortable walking shoe.

Not to say that Ferragamo hasn't tried to jazz this style up. Three years ago, to celebrate the 35th anniversary of the Vara, Ferragamo started offering a custom option. Style icons like Alexa Chung were seen wearing Varas.

Bloggers blogged about them. Some celebrities even—gasp!—helped Ferragamo promote the style.

I don't think it worked.

Although the image above did inspire me to start wearing Varas with skinny jeans, as a step up from ballerina flats.

But this is just not an exciting shoe design. Still, the Vara is a good, honest workhorse. I have a pair  in black kidskin that are about six years old. I don't wear them all that often, but boy, when I do, they perform. The chunky heel keeps my feet planted sturdily on the ground. The almond toe is foot-slenderizing without pinching. The somewhat high vamp prevents Icky Toe Cleavage.

And occasionally I find a pair in an interesting color. (Yes, on Bluefly. I check regularly for new stock.) I have them in hot pink and orange.

I also have them in a pretty lavender, that works really well with my favorite Hermes scarf.

One of those silly Instagram layouts.

This pair at Zappos is lovely, too. If a bit Easter Eggy.

Fleur Bleu, available at Zappos Couture

Varas are also available in dressier versions. I've seen suede trimmed with gold kidskin, but balked at the price. And then there are these—I can't stand mixed metals, so this gold-and-silver version sets my teeth on edge. But if you like gold and silver together and have hard-to-fit feet, this might be the dress shoe of your dreams.

In short, Vara is the Prince Charming of shoes.

Except for a couple of things. First, I've never understood Ferragamo's obsession with patent leather.  I just don't understand the appeal.

Then there is that grosgrain bow. I like it on the Vara, but it's getting to be the Ferragamo version of mildew, creeping inexorably all over everything they make.

Why, Ferragamo? You are the only shoe designer I can think of that churns out style after style that could be super wearable ... except for those two irritating traits.

So you see, the Vara is really like a husband. Almost perfect, but not quite.

Recommendations: these are my latest

Reads 

I have more than one book going at any given time, the choice of what to read depending on whether I'm on the elliptical, driving, or sitting on a chaise longue dipping languidly into a box of French chocolates.

Serving suggestion.

Oh, and I've already talked about these. Definitely in the chaise longue class.

my latest e-book

Don't worry; I'm not taking it seriously. It's mostly a giggle.

See?

my latest audiobook

If you like, you can listen to a sample.

my latest book to page idly through while sitting on a chaise longue

Hmm. Maybe this clashes with the chocolates.

TV fashion role models

Lucy Liu as Joan Watson in Elementary

Emily Bett Rickards as Felicity Smoak in Arrow

Kidding. I've never actually watched Downton Abbey.

Want to stalk Joan's wardrobe? Or maybe Cookie's from Empire? Have you discovered Worn On TV?

Instagram follows

h_e_r_s_t_o_r_y    Lots of gay men in my feed. This is mostly lesbians, because equal time, yo.

hostessofthehumblebungalow   You've read the blog, but have you gazed at her pictures?

YouTube subscriptions

KimberlyClark

My favorite drag queen beauty guru. OK, my only DQBG. I've already raved about her, but she is really smart about gender and consumerism and other things more vacuous beauty gurus don't talk about.

Last night, I heard her use the word "acumen." True story.

And Kimberly turned me on to

notyourtypicaldollface

So smart. So pretty. I am in awe of her cats' eye glasses.

Movies

The Assassin, 2015. This will be Sunday afternoon at Doc Films in Chicago. Want to come?

Please tell me you've already seen Brooklyn.

Podcasts

Before anyone gets too excited at the sheer amounts of trendiness in this post, I should confess that I listen to podcasts to help me fall asleep.  

The Snailcast (a podcast about Korean skin care by four talented K-beauty bloggers.)

Vital Social Issues and Stuff My friend Jasmine and her friend Joy keep me up-to-date. For example, their 2015 wrap-up. Who remembered all those scandals from way back in March? So helpful.

 

Shoes

These J. Crew Factory d'Orsay flats are actually comfortable and not too pointy.

Also, no tacky toe cleavage! #winning

J. Crew factory new arrivals + coupon code = feeding frenzy

Yes, I'm on a low-buy. This is a well-established fact. I'm not supposed to be buying anything.

I blame J Crew Aficianada, who hangs out over there on the right with the rest of the beauty/style/fashion/perfume blogs I like to read.

The thing is, we're about to head to Florida for our annual weekend in Palm Beach. We'll be staying in a boutique hotel

just two blocks from Worth Avenue.

While there, we'll be meeting friends for dinner at Renato's

and Ta-Boo

and attending two extremely preppy parties at undisclosed locations.*

I will even be attending a polo game. Hats will be worn.

And apparently, martini glasses full of dessert will be harvested from trees

Resort wear is called for. Obviously.

And OK, I have a closet full of a few Lilly dresses. Some them even fit. But I've been packing the same clothes for this trip for a few years now. I thought a refresher was in order. So when I saw that there was a coupon code for 20 percent off, I headed to the J Crew Factory store.

The first thing I wanted to buy was a new white tunic.

Back in the days when I sang, I had a closet full of what might tactfully be described as "waiter wear." You know—black pants and white blouses. Well, one of these white blouses was a gorgeous Lafayette 148 white cotton tunic trimmed with clear sequins. I loved it. I still love it. But I can't find it. So to punish myself for being careless and/or air-headed, I thought I'd buy a less expensive replacement.

Factory Pom-Pom tunic $52.50

I found this in the lounge wear section because it is considered a swimsuit cover-up ... let's hope it's not so sheer that people can count the hooks on my bra.**

I can wear this (if it's not too sheer) over these attractive, yet slightly short pants:

Factory Skimmer Pant in Timeless Turquoise, $51.50

or these ones, which were even cheaper:

Skimmer pant in cotton oxford, Bungalow Blue, $33.99

And even though my record with J. Crew shoes is spotty, I took a risk and bought some flats

Factory Classic D'Orsay flats in Floral Denim, $86.00

because sometimes, I'm not in the mood for sandals. (Because sometimes, I'm not in the mood to worry about getting an em-effing pedicure. You know what I'm saying?)***

Finally, dresses.

My favorite thing in the world is a solid color dress that I can accessorize into an em-effing pulp. Again, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? And I have an embarrassing number of scarves that would probably go great with this shade of lilac.

Also, I'm intrigued by the fact that it's 100 percent wool. I'm expecting—nay, hoping—that this wool will be tissue thin and therefore something I can wear when it gets much warmer than the current -17 degrees C./0 degrees F. we're experiencing in Chicago.

Tailored Shift Dress in Cool Lilac Light-Weight Wool, $89.50

Pretty, right? And I love the neckline.

But to be honest, I'm not sanguine about this dress. I love the color, but I'm concerned about the sleeve holes. Notice how the neckline angles in? That could mean visible bra straps—or worse.

You ask incredulously, "What's worse than visible bra straps, Poppy?" Well, I find that a lot of sleeveless dresses are cut with enormous arm holes that have a tendency to show way too much of the upper, outer quadrant of my brassière. You know, where the cool kids are flashing their side boob.

Of course, because it's wool, this dress might not work at all for Florida, in which case it would work during what passes for spring in Chicago. When it would be accessorized with a cardigan, thus taking care of that pesky bra strap situation.

Finally, I bought this. Which is polyester and might look even cheaper than it appears through the rose-tinted glasses of my computer screen. But at least will not show my bra.

Laser-Cut Cap-Sleeve Dress in Timeless Turquoise, $94.50

Honestly, having written out my so-called "line of reasoning," I'm practically already on the way to the post office to return this stuff. Except it hasn't arrived yet.


* This is what extremely polite and grateful people say instead of naming the private clubs that for some reason, people who should know better are allowing them the opportunity to enjoy for one brief shining dinner-dance and/or brunch. 

** Don't worry; my Lingerie Battle Station is equipped with camisoles in white, nude, and black. Some of them even contain a hell of a lot of spandex, capable of shoving my muffin top down to my kneecaps.  I hope.

*** My friend Angie introduced me to Trailer Park Boys. This explains why I'm talking like J-Roc. So now, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

Links for a lazy weekend IV: When the light bulb goes off, and other stories

As I was reading the article about whitening creams on the Fashionista, I thought, I should write one of these, too! But I read on and realized that this article can't be topped. Finally, someone has taken on the subject of dark spots, why all the cosmetics companies are releasing lines designed to deal with them, and how they work. Also, it explains why my expensive Chanel Le Blanc serum, cream, and cleanser have been doing zip, zilch, nada to clear up the giant sun spot on my left cheekbone.  And why I should just buy another bottle NuFountain Vitamin C serum instead.

Don't they?

We've all been subjected to numerous photographs of "arm parties"--that stacked bracelet craze that's been around for a couple of years now. And frankly, a lot of the time, the stack looks kind of tatty. I don't know whether people want their bracelets to tell a story, but I see stories that look like "OK, here's my watch even though I really use my phone to tell time, and a beaded friendship bracelet that my daughter made for me, and a bangle that my husband gave me when we were dating, and a set of three costume bangles, and a double wrap leather bracelet." And they're all higgledy-piggly, and look a little sweaty.

So here's District of Chic showing us How It's Done.

It doesn't hurt that there are two Hermès bangles in the mix. Or that she's carrying a Chanel flap.

In other news, I am entranced with a lot of the new styles that are coming out for fall. I'm at a stage in life where I occasionally need to wear a dress. And not an empire-waisted, one-shoulder dress six inches above my knee accessorized with platform sandals, the whole outfit designed to make me look like an adolescent giraffe. At least, that would be the end result if I were seventeen years old.

Therefore, I'm absolutely in love with the stuff I've seen coming out for fall. I had to dig around a bit on line to find it, since the stylists for the catalogs are doing their bewildering best to cobble together outfits that look like the sort of thing I'd throw on if my house were on fire, and J. Crew, I'm looking at you.

Here's a thought: don't. Unless you really, really want to look like a fashion blogger.

And don't think I'm not aware of your lapses in that respect, NORDSTROM. Blame your catalog stylists for the fact that I went to the Anniversary Sale on the first day ... and didn't buy anything but makeup.

Anyway, I'm in love with the longer lengths I've been seeing for fall. Ditto the paucity of platform shoes, which have started to look really dated even to me--and I cling to my favorite styles like a terrier with a bone. I'm pleased to see that waistlines appear to have headed south from the supposedly-flattering empire waist that has bedeviled me (and my Balcony) for the past several years. And I love the peplums. Although these are not great for those of us with Hips. However, they are helpful for those of us who have developed Elephant Ass, adding much-needed fullness to our meager side view. 

Not to toot my own horn ad nauseum, but you can see the stuff I've been admiring on my Pinterest board.

I mean, honestly--what's not to love?

Meanwhile, I'm sort of on a spending moratorium until I have time to hit the stores and check this stuff out in person.

In parting, I'd like to wish you all a wonderful weekend, as we wind our way into August and the end of summer. Get outside, eat watermelon, have a drink or two on the porch, find a large body of water and gaze at it. And you'll never guess what I'm doing this weekend, so I'll tell you. I'm dragging Mr. Buxom to a dance studio in Chicago to learn Balboa swing dancing. Check it out:

I mean, seriously. Look at those shoes. How could I not want to do this?

Links for a lazy weekend III: the you're not getting older, you're getting better edition

So ... is everyone ready to watch hundreds of youthful athletes do amazing things with their perfectly trained bodies? I'm not usually one for TV sports, but I do plan to watch some of the Olympics. While drinking a bottle or two of beer. Light beer, she added hastily. And getting off the sofa once in the while to head to the gym.

I may be old enough to be these athletes' mother, but I refuse to become decrepit any sooner than I have to.

Right. In other news, Advanced Style is covering Lanvin's decision to use older models in their Fall, 2012 campaign. Here's a post about 62-year-old Tziporah Salamon and 82-year-old Jackie Tajah Murdock. Just think: I'm only seven years and 50 pounds away from becoming a model!

Now let's talk Pinterest. Because I'm sure you've spent the least several days wondering where the hell has Poppy wandered off to this time? Well, God forbid I introduce you to yet another internet rabbit hole, so I won't tell you how much time I've been spending on Pinterest.

Nor will I attempt to get you to sign up. Or to follow me. Even though I have carefully put  my juiciest, most stylish, and visually arresting boards right up top where you can find them very easily.

Not to mention that if you click through a lot of my pins, you'll find some very interesting content on other blogs.

So, no pressure. But do check out Diane Von Furstenberg's board for Fall, 2012. It's a combination of an inspiration board and a preview of her fall line, and it's beautifully done. 

Word of warning, though. I don't know whether you've noticed, but internet has been known to make me buy things. Which--I know. Of course it does. It would be foolish to deny it. The evidence is all over this blog.

Well, Pinterest is no different. And guess what dear Manolo pinned?

Reader, I bought them.

What with the Olympics, and the Royal Jubilee, and me being a prize-winning Anglophile and a member of the English-Speaking Union--how could I resist?

So I guess this weekend will involve watching the Olympics, tearing myself away from Pinterest to head to the gym--and waiting for my new ballerina flats to show up.

Meanwhile, whatever your country, stay patriotic!

Hope springs eternal, or, on-line shopping

Oof, I just went to the post office with a huge box of stuff to send back ... the long black dress that everyone admired as well as a couple of other lovely things. Everything was wonderful, but nothing fit.

There's only one word that comes to mind if you shop on line and when it comes time to try them on, only Eileen Fisher's clothes (famously easy and body-skimming) actually fit.

That word is diet.

So I swore off on-line shopping. But then I followed a link in a blog and discovered these boots

Apepazzo Strasburgo booties in black from Goldyn

which were on sale. And when I went to order, I discover a coupon code for an additional 30 percent off.

So $189 boots for $92.61, free shipping and no tax? Sold!

I just hope my feet haven't gained weight.

A data dump, because otherwise I'll never manage to post again.

OMG, people. I'd tell you that real life has me by the balls, except I don't have any. And I have so much to do today, I can't stand it. So I'm going to do the blogging equivalent of what I do when I haven't written my mother a letter in a really long time and the stuff I need to tell her keeps mounting higher and higher and I get carpal tunnel syndrome just thinking of how many pages I'll have to write to get her up to speed.

(My mother is old skool and expects written letters.) But sometimes the idea of writing everything down is overwhelming, and I have to just dump the data. So I call her up and babble at her for an hour.

So let's pretend that I called you up, and you asked me how I was.

1. As soon as Christmas was over, I got going on Operation Get The Girl Child Into a Private School, because honestly? I really don't see her doing all that well at the huge John Hughes-ish high school in our district.

So there were campus visits and shadow days and SSATs and application-writing. The good news is the more we found out about the local private schools, the more we realized that only one would really work for her, so that's the only school she had to apply to. But then? She didn't get in. So that accounts for about six weeks of being crazily busy, culminating with much time spent comforting the girl child.

2. The many Clean House mini-marathons I've watched since discovering this amazing show have inspired me to really take charge of my house, but the cleaning alone is overwhelming--and that's not even dealing with the clutter. And I think I'm getting a little compulsive. I mean, I'm sitting here thinking about how I really need to mop the kitchen floor.

3. I haven't been talking about style because my shopping has been confined to Christmas presents and the cleaning product aisle of the supermarket--with occasional trips to Bed Bath and Beyond for closet stuff.

4. In related news, how did I not know about the wonders of the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser before now? I bought one a long time ago and discovered it sitting in my broom closet, still in the package. But when I opened it up and tried it on a stubborn scuff mark on a baseboard, the clouds parted and a chorus of angels began to sing. And then I ran around looking for stubborn scuff marks to clean. I also did an entire bathroom floor, at which point, the plump, exuberant, snow white Mr. Clean Magic Eraser was reduced to a sad, skimpy festered lily--that's how much fun I was having.

5. You should see what a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser does for a stainless steel kitchen sink that has been sullied with tea and coffee stains. Shines it right up.

6. I'm thinking of using a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser on my teeth.

7. Just kidding.

8. Blackbird tells me she approves of the rebooted Talbots. Have you checked it out? Everyone talked about the new Burberry and the new Brooks Brothers and the new this and the new that, but where's the love for the new Talbots? I tell you what: I've picked up a few things there and have been deliriously happy. The latest is these gold hidden platform sandals

which are lovely and retro and astonishingly comfortable.

9. Recently, Jen and Wendy and Susie Sunshine and Blackbird and I had a combination girls' weekend/Tour of Homes, where we checked out Wendy's addition and Casa Fletchcaster and my place too, although with all the Mr. Clean Magic Erasing, I'm surprised there was anything left to see.

Interested parties were also treated to Jen and Poppy's John Hughes movie location tour. We visited Kevin's house from Home Alone, the park where Kevin visits Santa, Cameron's House from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and Jake Ryan's house from 16 Candles.

When I admitted to never having seen 16 Candles, we had a movie night and watched it. And I'm so glad I did, for several reasons. First of all, Anthony Michael Hall is completely adorable in 16 Candles, which is great because he makes me a little crazy in The Breakfast Club. Also, Jen wasn't giving us any of her home-made lasagna until we'd watched the movie, and the lasagna was incredible.

10. Jen gave us all pre-publication copies of her latest book and first novel, If You Were Here. John Hughes cognoscenti will understand the title, which I understand now too, courtesy of our movie night. Anyway, I read it and it's great. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up. If you like Jen's books and/or John Hughes movies, you'll love it.

11. And here's an extra bit of data as a GWP: I recently made a complete fool out of myself by calling on my twitter army to shame Crate and Barrel into delivering the sectional I ordered from them in October. This was pretty much of a total failure, since I have no twitter minions to speak of. Still, if you'd like to see how a baby boomer who grew up watching syndicated episodes of Gilligan's Island uses social media to bend a major corporation to her will, check out my twitter stream.