Sunday, April 03, 2005

Not to mention how hard they must be to parallel park

When I drive to Florida I see a lot of things I don't see in Chicago. Too many to list, so I'll just talk about one of them, OK? Recreational Vehicles, otherwise known as RVs.

You see a ton of these bad boys on the highway--enough to wonder whether there are fads in RV design, the way there are with automobiles and trucks and such. I mean, it stands to reason, right? Except that I wouldn't be able to tell a brand-spanking new RV from one that was 25 years old, unless the old one was all rusted out.

Yes, the sight of these behemoths fills the mind with many questions. Like: how many miles to the gallon can they possibly get? I'm betting seven or less. And: when someone else is driving the RV, can you just sit around normally inside it, or does it get really bumpy and unsafe, so you have to wear seat belts? And: do they have bathrooms? But the big question is: Where the hell do you keep them when you're not driving them?

Because I've heard there are people who camp out in Wal*Mart parking lots, but these people are already on the road. What I want to know is where do you keep them when you're at home? I mean, I can barely fit a minivan down my driveway. Where the hell would I put an RV?

Does everyone who has an RV live on a farm or something? No, wait a minute--that doesn't make sense, either. Farmers never get to go anywhere. They have to stay on the farm so they can milk the cows and chickens and stuff.

So basically, who buys these things? No one I know. So I'll probably never find the answer to any of these burning questions.

Still--and I'm sorry to report this, but it's the truth--pondering these and other road-trip inspired mysteries (which is better--Waffle House or Huddle House?) really makes me feel alive.


  1. Dude, they all live in my neighborhood. And they have special garages for their RVs. And for the boats that are sometimes attached to the RVs.

    Have you ever even *been* to the suburbs? It's nice here. You should visit sometime!

  2. It just so happens I do live in the suburbs, Miss Smarty. (Are you kidding me? Like me and my huzbin are going to stay in the city and deal with that private school rat race? As if!)

    And now I fully expect you to ask your homies how many miles they get to the gallon. Also where they stand on the whole Waffle v. Huddle House debate.


  3. Knock and it shall be opened unto you:

    1. They get about 7 MPH (but it depends on whether they are wet or dry (hauling water or not) and if wet, how big the tanks are).

    2. You can move around--in the bus like ones it's like being on a bus, and in the van-like ones, there's not all that much room to walk around.

    3. Yes, they have bathrooms which you can use while on the road.

    4. You can keep them at home, but if the zoning (or space) won't allow it, dealerships and campsites often have storage spaces for rent.

    5. Mostly retired people buy the bus ones, and also those big 5th wheels hooked to pickup trucks. When we were camping at Fort Wildnerness at Disney in February we were scared by the number of old people driving the bus ones, esp. the ones towing cars or storage haulers behind them.

    6. Waffle House of course.

    jujube, who knows entirely too much about RVing (but does so in a reasonably sized travel trailer, not in a bus).

  4. Hey Jujube--woo hoo! you have immortalized my nickname for you.


    --P., whose new slogan is "shop here to get / your sobriquet"


Gentle Readers:

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xxx, Poppy.