Recently, it has come to my attention that not everyone is as good a present buyer as I am. And so now, I feel bad. Because while I rue the awfulness of the presents foisted on Joke, I am unable to resist bragging about the Father's Day presents I bought for my husband (a/k/a That Stud Muffin I Married, or TSMIM.)
But first, a brief digression into the joys of marrying a guy who, although he does not send up the visual equivalent of a warning shot--i.e., he doesn't go around wearing floods, filthy sneakers, and pocket protectors--would probably agree that he is something of a geek.
There are many, many reasons to like being married to a geek: I will never set foot inside a sports bar; I will never have to stand outside freezing to death at a so-called tailgate "party," and I will never be any variety of sports widow. OK, maybe my beloved will be spending the Chicago area's extremely scarce supply of beautiful days indoors building a Smart House computerized system or some damned thing, but at least he's at home keeping his nose--and I hope--the house clean.
But the really important fact is this: Geeks are incredibly easy to buy for. There are two reasons for this; first of all, if the gift pushes even part of one of his geek buttons, he's in bliss. ("Woo hoo! Dr. Who on DVD! Now I have a second set to watch on my laptop!") Second, he's not going to get all huffy in the off chance that you bought him the wrong thing. Wrong things might end up stashed on top of the highest bookshelf in his study gathering dust, but your typical geek isn't going to get upset that you didn't read his squirrely little mind correctly. Who is going to be more aware than a geek what a hopeless squid he is?
Plus the true geek never gets over his immense gratitude that there is a woman who was willing to marry him. And who even gets naked once in a while.
And now, the report on the triumphant Father's Day presents. TSMIM adores Tintin, the Belgian boy detective dreamed up by Hergé. On top of that, TSMIM is learning Chinese. Not for practical purposes, mind you; he just finds Chinese interesting.
So of course, what I had to buy him was:
1. The complete adventures of Tintin in Chinese
2. The complete adventures of Tintin on DVD in Chinese with Chinese subtitles.
Also a 2005 Tintin calendar, even though it's May, because he had one last year and there's this sad little blank spot on his study wall where it used to hang.
Now perhaps these don't sound like the greatest presents in the world to you, Gentle and Discerning Reader, but trust me. They totally did the trick.