Monday, October 31, 2005

Woo hoo! I'm not Homer!

OK, if you've been reading this blog, you might remember that I was freaking out over my kids' Halloween costumes. They wanted to go out as Bart and Lisa Simpson. The problem was that Bart and Lisa are not the trendiest characters at the moment, so store-bought costumes were out of the question.

Did anyone else out there see the Simpsons episode where Marge develops a gambling problem and spend all day long playing the slot machines at the new casino--meanwhile Homer is stuck trying to do stuff at home--like make Lisa a State of Florida costume for a school pageant?

Let me tell you something. I could wake up screaming for far less.

So I started with the easier of the two costumes: Bart. Bart wasn't going to be too much of a challenge, right? I could manage shorts and a t-shirt. I managed to score some yellow makeup, as well as the hair gel and yellow spray-on hair stuff for Bart's 'do.

Then I figured that applying yellow makeup to their arms and legs would have to suck, plus be really messy, so I had a brain storm. Their "skin" could be clothes. So I bought tights and long-sleeved t-shirts to be their arms and legs. And Rit dye to make them yellow.

I even bought a skateboard so my son could get into character.

So, Bart was OK. But I was terrified I was going to have to sew a Lisa Simpson dress for my daughter.

So, confession time. I'm not like you crafty bitches. I don't know how to knit. I can't crochet. I hate needlepoint. I refuse to make scrapbooks. I just say no to beaded jewelry. And most important of all: I can't sew. And I thought I was going to have to make a red sleeveless dress.

But thanks to Target, it turns out I didn't have to sew it. My daughter's costume consisted of:

One white long-sleeved t-shirt, dyed yellow
One pair white tights, dyed yellow
One elastic-waist red skirt pulled up to her armpits to be a sleeveless dress
One pair red shoes
One necklace of big white beads (Playdough on a shoe lace)

The wig was by far the most challenging part of it. I mean, the boy could just spike his hair up with gel and I could spray it yellow--with shiny enamel paint manufactured for painting furniture and filing cabinets, if I couldn't find any Manic Panic.

But think about Lisa Simpson's hair. It's kind of like the Statue of Liberty, except it keeps going. So ... lots of yellow triangles.

Yesterday afternoon at 4:00 I went to the hardware store, desperate to find something to make Lisa Simpson's hair. And there it was: a yellow swim float/noodle thingie to cut into triangles and tape--with yellow painter's tape--onto a microfiber fleece hat dyed yellow. (I also bought a can of yellow spray paint, just in case.)

So--do the math: two t-shirts, two pairs of tights, a pair of red shoes, some Play-Dough, hair gel, a skateboard, a can of hair paint, two tubes of theatrical yellow make-up, a red skirt, a yellow swim noodle, a roll of yellow painter's tape, a can of yellow enamel spray paint, and two pairs of yellow gloves = about $60.00.

One satisfied diva (and her big brother): priceless.



  1. You are so totally crafty. I mean, check out those costumes!

  2. Um, yeah, I'm pretty sure you just graduated to Crafty Bitch status. Because that's way more trouble than I would go to. The girl child wanted to be Jessie from Toy Story, which also equals no store-bought costume, so I bought something else entirely and made her switch. I'm not sewing jack!

    My verification word is plumb. I kid you not. Is that unusual, for it to spell an actual word? I feel like I should be writing these down and rearranging them to form some sort of secret message.

  3. Is it my monitor or does Bart hair?

  4. Well, the hair stuff was a fluorescent green that photographed more green than it really was.

    Now let's see your kids' costumes, Mister Helpful Comments.

  5. Ok, you are WAY craftier than I and I'm semi crafty in a scrapbook (before the 4th kid)/ just learned to knit/occasionally beads kind of way.

    I could NEVER come up with such costumes. Great job!

  6. I let my kids go as a Goth Cheerleader and a Pimp. Clearly you are the better mother here.

  7. There were two pimps in our school parade. And the way some of the girls dressed, it looked as though the pimps would do just fine, if they actually wanted to go into business for real.

    Good God, what a sick thing to say. I bet I lost "better mother" status there. Big time.

    I'd spank myself, except I'm afraid I'd enjoy it.



Gentle Readers:

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xxx, Poppy.