How to lose weight.

What follows is my time-tested infallible method for losing weight. I guarantee if you do this, you will drop at least one dress size.

No, it's not dieting.

No, it's not exercising.

This is what you do:

Go drop a significant wad of cash of new clothes. You have to really like them and look good in them. They must be stylish and fit beautifully.

In one month--maybe two--you will have shrunk and they will no longer fit. I know this for a fact because it has happened to me twice in the past five years.

Yesterday, feeling a bit pudgy, I decided that the two hour walks, yoga classes, and visits to the gym with Fiddledeedee were not cutting it. Drastic measures were called for.

Drastic measures = two pairs of jeans, two pairs of black pants, one pair of brown pants, one purple silk cardigan with coordinating camisole, and one brown cardigan with beaded trim with coordinating camisole.

I predict that in a month this stuff will be hanging off me. Unless the magic doesn't work because everything was marked down 40 percent.

--P.