Snark!

Dear Mrs. Ritchie,

It has come to my attention that you appear to think you're above the law--that for you, the rules don't apply. This could not be further from the truth.

"What law?" you ask in your fake English accent. Well, if you'll put down the crack pipe, I'll tell you. It's the old adage--if you remember it from the first time it was around, you're too old to wear it now.

I'm sorry to inform you that you are old enough to remember Farrah Fawcett in her heyday. You are also old enough to remember Members Only jackets. As well as the color purple splashed with irrational exuberance over things that in more rational times are colored black or brown--things like shoes, bags, and coats.

I don't care how many brain cells you've killed since then. You, Madonna, are not allowed to wear feathered hair, Members Only jackets, or purple coats.

Also, please do us all a favor and buy some pants.

Yours, etc.

--P.