Sunday, December 11, 2005

How to get me to stop reading your blog


I realize I can be really annoying. So I thought I'd let people know how to get rid of me. (That is, in the blogo-sphere. In real life, I stick like glue, and you have to pretend to have to go to the bathroom to get rid of me. And even then, if you're female, I might follow you in, still talking.)

But with blogs, if you do any of the following, I will probably stay far, far away:

1. Make grammatical errors. Anyone who writes "and then Tiffani handed her and I a Crunchy Frog bar" is off my blogroll (even though I am a sucker for Monty Python references.)

2. Make frequent spelling errors. And my spelling is atrocious. My 10 year old son spells 1,000 times better than I do. But for Lord's sake, people, there are spell checkers out there. I am the only sucky speller I allow to get near my computer.

3. What's with the teeny tiny fonts? Next!

4. Here's a biggie: change your blogspot template to get rid of the "Next blog" button. I get really pissed off when I click "next blog" and hit a blog with a dead end. That button is how I discovered some stalwart and worthy members of my blogroll, like the Asian leprechaun and Septuagent, and I resent people who get rid of it.

5. Write a knee-jerk conservative blog. Or a knee-jerk liberal blog. Hey, I read Charles Krauthammer and Molly Ivins. And I prefer Krauthammer, even though I tend to agree more with Ivins's bleeding heart, leftie-bolshie point of view. I like reading well-written, well-reasoned, well-constructed arguments. If all you have to say is "Liberals suck!" or "Conservatives suck!" I will stay far away from your blog. Are you listening, Ann Coulter?

6. As for those iDiOtZ who uze kre8ive spelling or orthography or whatever it's called ... someone should shove a pound sign up their semi-colons.

--P.

5 comments:

  1. What about bloggers who talk about nothing but poop? Because I'm as much a fan of bodily functions as the next person, but the poop talk gets tiresome.

    And what about bloggers who swear all the time? Because that shit really ... oh. Wait.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i think i am ok but now i am terrified. the lowercases is due to nursing infant, NOT apathy. can you forgive me??? i only do it on comments - all posts are carefully checked.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ack! i made a grammatical error - god, now i'm tense.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for making this scrooge crack a smile.

    ReplyDelete

Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.