The following may bite me:

(One at a time, of course. And they have to have good table manners, too. I have my standards.)

At any rate, here is today's list:

1. Blogger. For refusing to allow me to upload pictures last night. Or this morning.

2. My husband's firm. For keeping him late every night this week as well as having him work both days this weekend.

3. My fat cells, for refusing to shrink no matter how much time I spend on the elliptical machine at the gym.

4. Gary Hart, for having the nerve to bum my email address from John Kerry and sending me an email.

5. John Kerry, for emailing me more frequently than I fart, if that's possible. I swear, the man is stalking me. John, get a clue. You lost the election. Can we please move on?

6. Ann Coulter, for being the crazed offspring of Veronica Lake and a male giraffe.

7. Chicago Opera Theater, for dissing me (in ways I won't go into, because I'm already foaming at the mouth) yet stupidly persisting in asking me for money. Repeat after me: "flies ... honey ... vinegar."

8. My cell phone. Not for anything in particular, I just hate cell phones. Especially mine. Especially when it rings.

9. People who strew their belongings all over the place expecting someone else to pick them up. I'll cut most of you some slack, but if we share a last name, you're on my list.

10. Karl Lagerfeld. For that stupid look he has on his face all the time. Although his collars are equally disturbing.