The Diet Starts Tomorrow

One of my best friends got me involved with a local ballet troupe. Not as a dancer--to help raise funds. Anyway, her husband was telling me how the artistic director of the troupe asked him whether he was a dancer, because he had the build.

I replied that when I meet the General Director of the Lyric Opera, he'd probably ask me whether I'm a singer. Because I have the build.

Which sort of sucks, frankly.

Well, anyway, this evening, I'm taking part in the Music Institute of Chicago's music marathon. I'll be singing three pieces: Purcell's "Strike the Viol," Faure's "Dans un sommeil ..." and "Bill," with lyrics by P. G. Wodehouse and music by Jerome Kern, from Showboat.

To say I'm nervous is to somewhat understate the matter. I've been studying voice for years, but this is the first time I've sung a solo in longer than I can remember. And at my last lesson, I was screwing up the lyrics like crazy.

On the brighter side, That Stud Muffin I Married is coming to hear me. And so are friends Fiddledeedee, V., and M. Afterwards, we'll head over to Tapas Barcelona, where we will eat and drink like crazy, and I for one, am planning to talk my head off. (I've been resting my vocal chords all weekend, and frankly, they're ready to explode.)

So then, after my 15 minutes as a real, live diva is over, and the tapas are eaten, and the booze is drunk ... then it's time to stop looking like an opera singer. No, this is not me. This is an actual opera star. The one on the right is Jane Eaglen. Unfortunately, I don't sing like her. On the other hand, I also don't look like her.

You know, with singing, it's always a trade-off. Sing badly and look like Madonna, sing great and look like Aretha. Since I sing better than Madonna and worse than Aretha, and am closer to Madonna in vocal ability than I am to Aretha ... I think I need to get in a lot better shape. Not in such great shape that people expect me to sing like a dancer ... but not in such bad shape that they expect me to sound ... like the opera star I'm not.