Thursday, June 01, 2006

Show and Tell Thursday: My Least Favorite Piece of Furniture.

Where to begin? There is so much to hate.

But this maple chest of drawers is my latest pet hate. It's bulky. It's heavy. The finish is shot. The handles keep falling off.

My mother gave it to my sister at a time when my sister had almost no furniture. By the time I was moving to Chicago, it had been relegated to my sister's basement, and my mother instructed me to pick it up on our way west.

We've had it for about 20 years.

It's in a funny part of the house, an awkward passageway between the living room and the sunroom. It sort of serves as a music room. The stereo is there, also the piano and my son's cello. And a toy piano, just for fun. Also the bar, for when the fun gets to be too much for me and I need a drink. And that antique cherry drop-leaf table--the one with the picture of my father in his Coast Guard whites. It deserves a better home, but I don't have anywhere to put it. So this weird, undefined space also serves as the Poppy Home for Unwanted Furniture. There's way too much furniture crammed into it.

In fact, I have a big bruise on my hip where I bashed into this pointy part of the piano lid just the other day, when I was trying to sidle between all these pieces of furniture.

I would have put the chest out on trash day, except it's too heavy for me to move by myself.

And anyway, in my family, you're not allowed to give away anything my mother gave you. She is quite likely to ask for it back, either for herself, or for one of my siblings. If you don't still have the item in question ... her eyebrows drop in a really frightening way. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! The scary dropped eyebrows! I'm telling you, my bowels turn to water at the thought.

If I throw it out, donate it to the rummage sale, or otherwise get rid of it, I'll be disowned or worse.

Worse being that my mother decides to come live with me.

Speaking of which, she's coming to visit today. I'd better go dust the fucking thing.

8 comments:

  1. THAT is not loathsome in the slightest!
    I would take it in a swift minute!
    I should have put it on the plane -
    BRING IT TO ME and I will paint it black and put it in place of the Ikea fondu-crappe-sten that is in my dining room, which is great for holding my napkins, except the drawers don't open.

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  2. that's the worst yeh got?

    I'm with bb, totally willing to take it off your hands, that is if you're willing to fix up the extra room for your mom.

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  3. Nope, I'm with you, Poppy. That thing has History, and you'll never love it. Your mother needs to find it a new home, which I'm sure she'll gladly do once you mention that it's headed for the bone yard. And after you return from the toilet, she'll tell you to whom it's going.

    I've done that paint-it-black thing. It looked so bad, it was never taken from the alley where I deposited it, even with a sign on it saying "TAKE ME HOME!" but the trash cans were! But maybe you guys are alot more artsy than I am.

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  4. Yes, and be careful you don't do anything untoward to the dusting thing.

    -J.

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  5. Aren't there any younguns just getting their start and trying to furnish a crappy first apartment on a budget in your family?

    That's how we get rid of our crap around here. It's a family tradition.

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  6. My mother is like yours.

    Every time I say, "Mom, I don't have room for X anymore so I am donating it to charity."

    She says, "Don't do that. I will take it home."

    Works every time.

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  7. tell her a burgler stole it she will believe that bcos she thinks alla her stuff is a (insert f word here) treasure

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  8. I have way too much 'family' furniture taking up space in my place now too. Stuff that can't leave the family, God forbid! And stuff that nobody else (in the family) will take. Arggggghh! I feel your pain.

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Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.