An invitation to Internet crimestoppers

Inspired by blackbird (who says she was inspired by Alice, but didn't provide a link.) Thank you Alice, by way of bb, for starting me on the road to righteousness.

Because everyone knows that the first thing you do, if you want to reform, is confess your sins. So Internet, feel free to swoop down and make a citizen's arrest if you see me doing any of the following:

1. Not drinking water. Everyone tells me to do it, but no one manages to make it any more palatable.

2. Not giving a rat's nether regions for the fiscal well-being of my children's school.

3. Not exercising.

4. Especially by not going to the expensive gym Fiddledeedee talked me into joining.

5. Not watching television, and so

7. Not knowing what people are talking about most of the time.

8. Not getting dressed, but slobbing around in my pajamas until 12:47 on a Saturday afternoon.