How to quit drinking so damned much in three easy steps
1. When your husband offers you a glass of wine, say "yes, please." 2. Wait while your husband opens the wine. 3. Spend the next hour trying, with each sip, not to get a mouthful of cork.
Well, you could get one of those "try this case of wine and get a free, high-tech, impossible to f*c* up corkscrew free with nothing more to buy ever" offers. The corkscrew works wonderfully.
You just have to remember to CANCEL the damn subscription after you get it. Six months later? I'm still trying to remember.
You could have planned ahead for this by not getting any orthodontia as a young lass. Then you could do like I do and strain the cork bits through your teeth. It costs a fortune in Crest Whitestrips but, you know, it WORKS.
Well, you could get one of those "try this case of wine and get a free, high-tech, impossible to f*c* up corkscrew free with nothing more to buy ever" offers. The corkscrew works wonderfully.
ReplyDeleteYou just have to remember to CANCEL the damn subscription after you get it. Six months later? I'm still trying to remember.
You could have planned ahead for this by not getting any orthodontia as a young lass. Then you could do like I do and strain the cork bits through your teeth. It costs a fortune in Crest Whitestrips but, you know, it WORKS.
ReplyDeleteCork has fiber. So, not only are you basking in the mood ameliorating effect of ethanol, you're also regular.
ReplyDelete-J.
But..... WHY??
ReplyDeleteSorry... someone suggested not drinking so much and I just knee-jerked.
ReplyDeleteWhat was the question?