Tuesday, January 01, 2008

100 Things for a new year

1. I didn't know how to drive until I was 35.
2. My family drives me crazy.
3. But that's OK; my in-laws drive me crazy, too.
4. It's nice to share things like that in a marriage.
5. One thing people never tell you about marriage is that being married is the only way you can get laid once you're no longer young and cute.
6. I'm not as cute as I used to be.
7. But I'm married.
8. I like being married.
9. I like getting laid.
10. I like my kids, too.
11. I hope their presence in the world gives them as much pleasure as it gives me and their father.
12. I had them under duress.
13. I also got married under duress.
14. I was convinced that being married and having children would be no fun.
15. I was wrong.
16. The world would be a better place if fewer people were wrong about that.
17. Especially celebrities who keep having children first, then getting married.
18. I disapprove of having children out of wedlock.
19. I'm extremely judgmental.
20. For example, there are a lot of things I enjoy, but don't talk about much.
21. Like sex.
22. Or food.
23. I am embarrassed and bored when people talk about their sex lives.
24. I am also embarrassed and bored when people talk about food.
25. I take the Seven Deadly Sins seriously.
26. I'm very religious.
27. I'm an Episcopalian.
28. This means I'm something of a fence-sitter.
29. I find most Protestant churches weird.
30. I am creeped out by some Catholic things, though.
31. Judaism makes all kinds of sense to me. But it's like a hereditary society, and I picked the wrong ancestors, so forget it.
32. I'm a snob.
33. I don't watch television.
34. I do watch t.v. shows on DVD.
35. I can't stand commercials.
36. I also don't like being told when and where to watch programs.
37. I'm fat.
38. Sometimes I think if I lost the weight, I wouldn't have anything left to do with my life. I mean, honestly, what challenge is greater than losing 40 pounds and leaving them off?
39. I have only had one husband.
40. I have two children.
41. I had a couple of miscarriages before I had my first child.
42. For some reason, that never really bothered me that much.
43. I think, at some very deep level, I believe that some things are not meant to be.
44. The only death I have ever truly mourned is my father's.
45. I still miss him.
46. I used to read all the time.
47. I think all the degrees I got in English Literature did something to wreck that for me.
48. It took me way too long to get back into reading for pleasure.
49. I'm still not interested in best-sellers, though.
50. I'm also not interested in current movies.
51. What I really hate, though, is the theater.
52. I hate theater so much that I've never talked about it on my blog.
53. I only like PG-13-rated movies.
54. I read the same books many times.
55. I watch the same movies many times.
56. I'm addicted to audiobooks.
57. I find most people fairly dull.
58. Actually, I hate theater, but I like to watch Shakespeare.
59. I also saw the Comedie Francaise perform a play by Moliere, and I enjoyed that, too.
60. The real problem is modernism.
61. I think most modernists are pretentious and full of themselves.
62. They also lack a sense of humor.
63. A sense of humor is the most important thing a person can have.
64. That and reverence.
65. Just don't be reverent about Eugene O'Neil when I'm around.
66. Or Tennessee Williams. Or August Wilson.
67. I could spend the rest of my life catching up with the past, and it would never be enough.
68. For example, I have a burning desire to learn Latin, a language I spent seventh and eighth grade ignoring.
69. I sometimes think if I could take the time to do the things right that I shirked or avoided--like my seventh and eighth grade Latin homework--I'd have a much better life.
70. Does anyone out there remember that dorky little fake computer thing Clinique used to have at their counters that supposedly tells you your skin type? I'm a burns-doesn't-tan kind of gal.
71. This means my skin is so white people have been known to scream loudly at the sight of it.
72. I hate going to the dentist.
73. I also hate going to the doctor.
74. I feel that I exhausted an entire life's worth of doctor's visits by having two babies and dealing with the number of examinations that involved.
75. So now I don't go.
76. The problems with being in your forties is realizing that a lot of people are seriously screwed up.
77. I mean, it's not just you. Or me. Or my family.
78. The older I get the more tactful I get.
79. This isn't saying much, since I'm pretty outspoken. Sagittarians always are.
80. I don't believe in astrology.
81. I can't understand how anyone can live in the country.
82. I'm Francophilic. When people started pouring French wine into the gutter because the French weren't supporting the United States' invastion of Iraq, I flew the French flag in front of my house. And wore an Hermes scarf every day. And bought two.
83. Ann Coulter makes me sick.
84. So do the other opportunists out there.
85. I have no idea for whom I'll vote in the next Presidential election.
86. I don't find myself getting significantly more conservative as I get older.
87. It's really amazing to me how little people know about etiquette, considering the fact that Emily Post's Blue Book of Social Usage is in the public domain.
88. The word verification thing on Blogger drives me nuts.
89. I've never waxed my bikini line.
90. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to get breast implants. Can the Victoria's Secret Models sleep on their chests? I can't, and mine are real. I'll bet the fake ones are even more uncomfortable when squashed.
91. My interest in breast implants means I find women like Victoria Beckham, Anna Nicole Smith, and Pamela Anderson sort of fascinating.
92. I have nice legs.
93. And a short torso.
94. I'm a nice person.
95. I've never been quite sure what "snarky" is. Even when I'm being snarky.
96. I'm amazingly unselfconscious.
97. I have no fear whatsoever of public speaking.
98. My clothes have this really bad habit of falling off in public.
99. I own a scary amount of Hermes scarves. (See #82)
100. Blogging is a great way to talk endlessly about myself without boring people in real life. If you've read this far, you know what I've spared them.

7 comments:

  1. Oh, Poppy, #51 was like a dagger to my heart! But you don't have to like theatre for us to be friends, thank goodness.

    But I pretty much agree with you about #61, whether you're referring to playwrights, poets, painters, sculptors, novelists, composers, choreographers or any other artist.

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  2. Um, #98? A little more explanation is needed...

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  3. Well, pretty much it boils down to "The Gods of Clothing invented the wrap skirt so that it could fall off Poppy. In public. More than once."

    I also have a really bad track record with pantyhose and thigh-high stockings.

    And then there's the old tuck-my-clothes-into-each-other-all- wrong-while-I'm-going-commando-so-everyone -will-see-my-butt trick. Although that goes under a different heading, since the clothes didn't actually fall off my body. Although it's just as humiliating

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  4. 101 - You are not deformed.

    Helpfully,

    -J.

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  5. Nothing on your list scared or offended me, so I'm incredibly pleased. (Not that it should matter to you.)

    Also, I'm Jennifer with-no-last-name who sent the friends request from GoodReads. Just in case the portrait by Picasso wasn't a good enough clue.

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  6. I love this post, Poppy!
    Isn't it great that in the blog world you can share things that you might not share with even your closest friends?
    I now know things about you that I don't know about even my closest friend, ie. 21, 89, 90.
    I'm so with you on 17-22.
    Happy New Year.

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Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.