Twitter

It started off as a moment or two in my early morning routine: check my "real" email, check my blog email, check yesterday's stats, head over to bloglines, oh, and fire up Twitter, the closest thing the blogosphere has to a three-panel comic strip.

This is not Twitter's stated purpose--far from it. Twitter is the answer to all those people who keep whining that my people's blog posts are too long. On Twitter, you get only 140 characters to describe what you're doing.

Except the best Twitterers, in my opinion, don't do that. (I mean, if I were on Twitter right now, I'd twit "writing a blog post," and the response would be "HOW FASCINATING" followed by a massive stampede over here to check it out, while my stat meter whirred around so fast the numbers would be a meaningless blur.)

But I jest. That, my friends, is hyperbole in action.

The really great Twitterers are not the ones who inform the internet that they're drinking their morning coffee. No, the great Twitterers are the ones who squeeze a tiny, hilarious blog post out of only 140 characters. And produce a haiku of funniness.

So now, I am Twitter's bitch. I need my daily 140-character funnies.

Well, OK I also follow twits by Red Sox Cast and Defamer and FameCrawler and Barack Obama. Because I don't just blog here, I also blog at Mamarazzi. So I need to know when Britney Spears drops a kid on its head and Manny Ramirez hits it out of the park and Barack Obama makes an amazing speech about it.*

But mostly, it's about the funnies. Like SarahO and SusanW and Schmutzie and Sweetney and Susie Sunshine and hey, that's just the letter "S" !!!

The problem is that there are not enough of them.

So internet, get off your lazy behinds and sign up for Twitter. And then start following me so I know you're there. Then I'll start following you. At which point, I'll require you to post at least once a day. And your posts had better be funny, or at least, vaguely amusing. Because you, internet, exist to keep me, Poppy, from being bored.

So get cracking.

(Drums fingers impatiently.)


* (Pronouns deliberately vague because I'm hilarious that way.)