Monday, July 14, 2008

Letters to the Editor

Dear Poppy:

Can you see me making an "L" with my finger and thumb? Because duh, I wasn't lost; I was in the outside pocket of your bag all along.

Sheesh! What do I have to do, call you up?

Sincerely yours,

Your cell phone

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Dear Poppy:

If you're one of those women who runs around putting everything away before the cleaning ladies show up? We shudder at what this place must usually look like.

Very truly yours,

Your cleaning ladies

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Dear Poppy:

I'm sorry, but you really are a size 16.

Very truly yours,

The Talbots

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Dear Poppy:

I can't believe you sit there and complain about gaining weight, and then order ice cream for dessert. With butterscotch sauce.

Very truly yours,
The wait staff where you ate lunch

p.s. We also saw you Hoover up your companion's fruit salad. And a roll. And a glass of wine.

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Dear Poppy:

How are you going to go to sleep tonight?

Affectionately,

The laundry stacked up on your bed

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Dear Poppy:

Don't you think it's time you refilled me? I'm empty, you know.

Sincerely yours,

The glass of wine next to your laptop

11 comments:

  1. Very funny! I shudder to think what my house would be saying about me this week.

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  2. I like that subtle little Anglophile verbing you threw in there.

    -J.

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  3. Hellooooo... mine is empty too. Can you get on that please? kthnxbai.

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  4. Dear Poppy,

    I cannot wait to see you.
    I am bursting with excitement.
    BURSTING I TELL YOU.

    Your Pal In Tuvalu

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  5. PS: I've read that Talbots sizing is waaaaay off. You are really a 10.

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  6. Clearly you need a personal assistant to screen your mail. Really, you shouldn't have had to see any but the last one. And a really good assistant would have made that one unnecessary.

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  7. I wonder what people would honestly say to me. No, I'd rather not know.

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  8. Snorting coffee out nose -- I am taking a break from cleaning house pre-cleaning service! Right now!

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  9. Hey, I got that exact same letter as the last one, except it was from a perscription bottle.

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  10. Dear Poppy,

    You make me laugh.

    Sincerely yours,

    Pink Sneakahs

    p.s. have fun in Tuvalu!

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  11. ....and by the way, this was so hilarious, I'm still going back and reading it and laughing even day-old.

    FA

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Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.