Monday, August 11, 2008

The Me Meme

Eye Color: The sort of murky greenish-hazel last seen on a ravening Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Hair Color: brown with highlights and lowlights
--Dyed or Natural: Natural. It grows out of my head complete with highlights and lowlights, and then once a month, it grows some gray roots.
--Curly or Straight: Straight.
Right- or Left-handed: Right
Tan or Pale: Pale and freckly in places. Never tanned.
Jeans or Khakis: Jeans.
Country, Rap, or Rock: Sigh. Why do they always assume I listen to pop music? Rock. I guess. Of the dinosaur variety. To go with my eyes.
Car: 2003 VW Passat wagon
Place in order of preference--T.V., book, movie, music: Books, Movies, TV, Music
Your heritage: 100 percent English from the Puritans who founded Congregationalist parishes in New England to my paternal grandfather, who emigrated from England as a child.
Shoes you're wearing today: none yet. I love vacations.
Your weakness(es): Buttered toast, full cocktail shakers, and boring parties all bring out the worst in me.
Your perfect pizza: thin crust, made by me, topped with sauteed shallots, mushrooms, red pepper, and blue cheese.
Favorite color: red
Favorite place: bed
Goal you'd like to achieve: to complete a sprint triathlon while wearing a size 10
Your most overused phrase(s): "Say 'please.'"
Your thoughts first waking up: "Where's my tea?"
Your best physical feature(s): Unlike most women, I've always been completely happy with my hair.
Your bedtime: 11:30
Your most missed memory: Making my father laugh
Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke. Diet Pepsi is an abomination.
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's, but only because I know where they are. I get the fish sandwich wherever I go.
Single or group dates: After twenty years of marriage, a group date sounds great.
Adidas or Nike: Brooks.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I utterly refuse to drink pre-made bottled, canned, or powdered iced tea.
Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or coffee: Tea, but only if I make it. When I'm out, coffee.

DO YOU:
Smoke: No.
Cuss: Frequently. But not in front of children.
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend: No.
Take a shower: Once in a while. When I notice my family's nostrils flare when I'm upwind.
Have a crush(es): No, because so far I haven't seen any Olympic events. If I turn on the television while the male gymnasts are on the rings, though, all bets are off.
Think you've been in love: Once or twice.
Want to get married: No, thank you. Once is plenty.
Believe in yourself: I guess. I seem reliable enough.
Believe in God: Yes.
Believe in your government: It's better than some.
Get motion sickness: No.
Think you're attractive: No. But I think a lot of other people are even worse-looking, so it's OK.
Think you're a health freak: No.
Get along with your parents: Unfortunately, the parent I got along with died four years ago.
Like thunderstorms: Yes, but only if they include lightning. The constant rumbling gets boring without the excitement of the occasional flash of light ending with a tree falling on the house.

IN THE PAST MONTH, HAVE YOU:
Drunk alcohol: Yes.
Gone on a date: Yes.
Gone to the mall: No--but I've shopped Soho, Park Avenue, Madison Avenue, an Anthropologie store, a sports store in Wilmette, Illinois, a rug store in Winnetka, IL, a bookstore in Winnetka, a bookstore in Chicago, and two on-line cosmetics boutiques. I hope this demonstrates to all and sundry that I'm not some kind of stinking commie.
Been on stage: No. I've been in the choir pews, though, which is somewhat like being on stage. Trust me.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No. I have eaten some Oreos, but not an entire box.
Eaten sushi: No.
Been dumped: No.
Gone skating: No. I've only gone skating once. It's harder than it looks.
Gone skinny dipping: No, unless you count those times in the bathtub.
Stolen anything: Yes! I took some stationary from the Colony Club to write my mother a letter. I never wrote the letter and yet the stationary is still around somewhere.

HAVE YOU EVER:
Played a game that required removal of clothing: I honestly can't remember whether I actually played strip poker myself or only saw it happen in Metropolitan.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes. (It's extreme if you throw up, right?)
Been caught "doing something": Are we talking about playing hide the salami? Because if that's what you mean, don't be coy; just say so.
Been called a tease: No.
Gotten beaten up: No.
Age you hope to be married: 94. I mean, I hope that when I'm 94, I'm still married.
Number of children you'd like: Four. I only have two. And yet, I'm reasonably happy. I guess I'm a glass-half-full kind of gal.
Describe your dream wedding: Kimora Lee Simmons walks slowly down the aisle wearing a rhinestone-covered bikini and lucite platforms. She is getting married to Ted Turner, who is the only person I can think of who is single and enough of an asshole to actually deserve her. Her bridesmaids are Victoria Beckham, Madonna, Pamela Anderson, Sarah Jessica Parker, Anna Nicole Smith, and Dita Von Teese, each dressed in whatever they feel like wearing that day. Groomsmen are George Clooney, Steve Martin, Hugh Laurie, William Powell, Keanu Reeves, and Gary Cooper. The wedding is being held in St. Martin-in-the-Fields with music supplied by the Academy of St. Martin in the Fields. The reception is held in the Orangery at Kensington Palace. Toasts are given by best man Rowan Atkinson and maid of honor J. K. Rowling. There are two bands so that music is continuous; Peter Duchin and The Rolling Stones. At 1:00 a.m. the bands stop playing and the disco starts. The happy couple departs in a banana-yellow Rolls Royce, serenaded by Elton John singing "Goodbye, New York's Mold." Drunken guests seek out the duckpond in nearby Kensington Gardens and splash in it, then pose for pictures with the statue of Peter Pan. As they depart, guests are given gift bags containing a limited edition Hermes scarf commemorating the wedding wrapped around an Asprey convertible tiara.

Or did you mean a wedding where I get married? I already did it. Let's just say that marriage is a lot more fun than weddings.

What do you want to be when you grow up: Very, very old.

WHAT YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX:
Best eye color?: Blue.
Best hair color?: Brown.
Short or long hair: Short.
Height: 6’1” or shorter.
Best first date location: The movies, followed by drinks, and then dinner, if it turns out we actually like each other.
Best first kiss location: Outside my front door.

IN THE NUMBERS:
Number of people I could trust with my life: 1
Number of CD's: I have no idea and I refuse to count.
Number of piercings: Two. One in each ear.
Number of tattoos: Zero.
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Twice. Hatched and matched, and we're still waiting for dispatched.
Number of scars on my body: One great big one from where my son took a detour on his way out of my va-jay-jay.

(Stolen from Joke)

5 comments:

  1. Loved the description of your ideal wedding. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Now I'm missing your smartassery in person EVEN MORE.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Just as I got to the line about a crush, a Chinese gymnast was doing an iron cross on the rings.

    I'm sure he's shorter than 6' 1" too!

    ReplyDelete
  4. That was a long-ass meme!

    The wedding? HYSTERICAL.

    Unfortunately, I'll never be able to come back here. Cuz you dissed my diet Pepsi. ;)

    ReplyDelete

Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.