Vote for me, Poppy B.!

Did anyone out there watch Michelle Obama's speech? Can you believe I missed it? Actually, that's typical behavior on my part. But this time, it's not my fault.

Honestly, you'd think the television networks would throw something normal at the American public after all the Oympics coverage. But no, it's PhelpsPhelpsPhelpsPhelpsPhelps PhelpsPhelpsPhelpsMichelleObama. Luckily, there's YouTube for people like me who can't keep track of things, spend way too much time organizing their kids' school supplies, and don't have TiVo.

I didn't need to watch it anyway. It wouldn't change my mind about Obama. All modesty aside, I think it's clear that Barack is too young to run this country. We need someone of riper years. And figure.

I mean, come on. Does the guy ever eat? He runs around all day looking presidential and inventing new flights of statesman-like oratory. He only stands still when he's posing for magazine covers.

Say what you will about Bill Clinton, you could always shut him up and slow him down by handing him a platter of ribs and a six pack of PBR. Frankly, I think Barack is too young, too energetic, too educated, too intelligent, and too thin to represent me and my interests.

And let's face it; McCain is too old--plus what's the deal with his cheeks? Have you noticed them, too?

It's like he has two fist-sized slabs of flesh on either side of his mouth, and I can't help wondering what they're doing there.

You know, it's highly possible that an Islamic fundamentalist terrorist cell is concealed there, on either side of his mouth. Yes, for all we know, Osama Bin Laden himself is concealed in McCain's face wubb.

So you'd better vote for me.