The Tale of the Mad Hatter, or how to lose weight.

OMG! You guys! I shopped my ass off yesterday. Literally.

I have a Mad Hatters luncheon to attend today. (I know! My life is so wacky!) I went out to buy either 1) a hat or 2) an outfit that would work with the two lovely hats I already own. One is light brown straw trimmed with navy grosgrain, and I bought it about 10 years ago to wear with a navy blue wrap dress. The other hat is a dream of beauty; it's pink straw trimmed with pink flowers and I bought it to wear with a cute pink suit.

Then I gained a shitload of weight, and the navy dress and pink suit are both way too tight.

So it was either buy something that goes with navy or pink OR buy a black hat to go with the mostly black clothes I'm wearing these days. (Because I'm in deep mourning for my lost figure.)

I headed to Nordstrom because from the looks of their website, they'd have something appropriate. But most of their hats sent off a utilitarian vibe. They were clearly designed primarily to keep either sun or rain off their wearer.

But there was one broad brimmed black number that I thought would be OK. But I didn't love it, so I thought I'd check to see if I could find a cute flippy skirt to go with a pink jacket I have, and then I could stun the world with the sight of me in the gorgeous pink hat I already own.

On the way to the escalator I spotted these shoes



And thought, like Arnold, "I'll be back."


Well, it turns out that cute flippy skirts were not to be had. There were acres of jeans and Bohemian tops, but if you wanted to wear something other than pants, you had a choice of bathing suit cover-ups or cocktail dresses. There was nothing in between.

But while looking for a dress or skirt to wear to lunch, I found a black evening gown that looked like it would work, and was really surprisingly not-that-expensive ($138) and looked great on me, so I snagged it. And I felt lucky to find it, because I really didn't like much of what they had, except for some St. John knits stuff. And that stuff is cruelly expensive.

Then I went down and tried on the shoes, and they were amazingly comfortable, so I got them. So I went back and bought their no-so-bad black hat

So picture me carrying one of those long dress bags, a bag with the new shoes, and believe it or not, one of those huge round hat boxes--the kind of hat box you only see in the movies. When I spotted this bag:



Reader, I bought it.

And now, my friends, you see why I married Mr. Buxom in his third year of law school. So I could shamelessly mooch off his big lawyer bucks.

And I know it's not very mommyblogger of me to prance around throwing fistfuls of money in the air. It's not even very Poppy Buxom of me. Hell, my moribund shopping blog is about saving money, not splurging.

But I'll tell you something. Those rich thin celebrities who are always having their pictures taken at Barney's? (Katie Holmes, I'm talking to you.) That's how they stay thin.

And I'll tell you how I know. I'm back on the South Beach Diet. It's been about 10 days. You probably know the drill. Lots of protein and veggies and not much else. Well, yesterday morning I didn't think I could face another egg, so I breakfasted on a handful of raw almonds. And then at 2:00 I went shopping. And I was not hungry at all. And the rush of shopping endorphins kept me full until dinner.

And this morning I weighed myself, and I've lost five pounds since last Monday.

Maybe I need to go hang out in the St. John section at Nordstrom. I could call it a spa day.