Thursday, January 14, 2010

Set phasers to stun

OK, so this morning was my son's last exam, and it was supposed to start at the uncivilized hour of 8:00. That wouldn't be so bad, except he's supposed to get there about half an hour before the exam. So my husband, who realizes I'm not an early riser and in fact, am amazingly grumpy in the morning (pay attention here, because that's what English teachers call "foreshadowing") volunteered to drive him.

So I tried to be helpful, because my husband had been doing all the math cramming and now was doing the driving. I asked my son whether he'd like a commuter cup of tea to bring with him, and went to the kitchen to fix it.

And of course, there was barely half a cup of tea in the carafe, so of course, I had to make more, and of course, my daughter had to wander in at that point, and of course, she wanted cinnamon toast for breakfast, so of course, we were out of cinnamon sugar, and of course, the butter was hard as a rock.

So I made a fresh pot of tea, mixed cinnamon sugar, toasted bread, buttered it, sugared it, cut the crusts off, ran it under the broiler so the butter would melt and the sugar would bubble just a bit, and then decided I deserved another cup of coffee, so I set up the Melita filter and proceeded to make a cup of coffee.

Which promptly overflowed the mug and got all over the counter, trickled to the floor down the front of the white cupboards, and puddled inside the drawer where I keep batteries and take-out menus and such.

I opened the drawer and said "Oh no! I got coffee in the drawer!" at which point my daughter said "Can you not complain to me?"

Internet, you would be proud of me. I merely told my daughter that she was done and should go upstairs to get dressed.

I then fixed my mug of coffee and went back to bed.

Luckily for all involved, my husband came home. I told him about my morning and we've decided we have new catch phrase.

Your best friend is ranting about her husband? Your mother is bored and unhappy in her retirement community? Your child falls and skins his knee? Dooce is tweeting that Maytag isn't doing whatever the hell it is that she wanted them to do?

Just say "Can you not complain to me?" I guarantee, this will flatten your opponent. Take it from me, Miss Grumpy in the Morning. I was in such shock, I actually clammed up. THIS NEVER HAPPENS.

Of course, I'm better now. I'm feeling talkative again--I don't know whether you've noticed--and I'm about to go around to the blogs in my sidebar and leave comments. Because today is National Delurking Day.

I found this out by visiting Rachel over at Southern Fairy Tales. And now I'm heading back to comment. Because Rachel wants me to, and so do Miss Manners and my mother. My daughter wants me to comment, too--as long as I'm not complaining.


  1. I don't know if you really want delurkers considering the comment on your previous post!

    Aren't middle school daughter awesome!

  2. I think I'll be using that phrase on my daughters, who love to complain.


    I am absolutely in love with that phrase and I plan on using it multiple times per day on the 6 and the 3 year old ;-)

    I am glad your day is getting better, :-)
    Can't wait to see you soon!!!!

  4. Not a lurker, but adding my comment!

  5. That does trump my lapel button that says "whining" with a bar sinister across it.

  6. Wait--this is the daughter that wants chores? I just thought of one for her: making her own breakfast! Huzzah, problem solved!

  7. I am de-lurking! OMG! I don't have any children, so no one to use this phrase on (sorry for my poor grammar), but I am going to visit my mother in Tampa this weekend...I may have a chance to air it out. Ooh, I wish I had thought of this when I was a teenager!

    Love your blog! It makes me laugh out loud!

  8. Wow, to clam up after all THAT? Kudos to you. I would've gone berserk.

  9. Dude. If you find a nice, affordable boarding school, lemme know. Maybe we can get a 2-for-1 deal.

  10. I wonder when your daughter will realize that she is lucky to still be alive. I'm predicting the age of 26 or 27.

  11. De-lurking from Houston. Love your blog!

  12. I try not to lurk. It makes my butt look big.

  13. Another example of tweens/teens who are centered on themselves. We just do far too much for them. I say scale back and let them see what Poppy really does for them!

  14. Another stellar example of tween indifference.

  15. I am SO using that.

    AND I'm a little po'd that I missed de-lurking day.

    Not that I'm complaining. To you.

  16. Hi Poppy!

    I'm not delurking, but I'm not complaining.

  17. Love you, love your show--ooops. Blog!

  18. I kept waiting for the toaster to electrocute someone....

  19. I am STEALING that phrase and using. Can you not complain to me? Excellent. Tell your daughter.
    But if I were you I'd have probably chucked wet tea bags at her head. Your self-control is remarkable.

  20. Delurking from Madison.
    I read your blog(s) often.
    I am more of a stalker than lurker.



Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.