The Poppy Buxom Awards
For Best Dress Worn By a Leading Lady
And the winner is ... Cate Blanchett. Honestly, she's ready for the Red Carpet Lifetime Achievement award.
Best dress that at least was not made out of meat
Best Scroll Down Peekaboo
Rooney Mara, who somehow manages to channel Audrey Hepburn as both a nun and a bride.
Hollywood Costume Historian
For the dress that is clearly the love child of this
Awarded to Heidi Klum, for this
Hollywood Costume Historian, Part Deux, or, Who Wore It Best
to Whoopi Goldberg. OK, Bette looked better. But Whoopi's dress is way better than Heidi's.
Argument for Firing Your Stylist
To Brie Larson. Lovely dress. But that belt looks like a prop from Rocky.
Best Impersonation of a Chart Illustrating the 1929 Stock Market Crash
to Kate Winslet.
Not Understanding the Meaning of the Word "Flattering"
to Sarah Silverman, whose peplum was not on fleek.
Best Impersonation of Diana Vreeland's Curtains
to Amy Poehler.
Finally, the award for
You Can Do Better
to Gwen Stefani.
It's up to you to tell whether I'm talking about her dress or her date.