The horror; the horror

If you're wondering why I'm sitting here in the t-shirt I slept in and some pair of random shorts and haven't showered or brushed my teeth or washed my face yet--I'm paralysed.

See, we're heading to our vacation house next week. And I should be getting ready. But I keep thinking about the unhappy fact ("Oh cruel gods of Family so-called 'Vacations!' Why do you mock me?") that my mother and That Stud Muffin I Married's mother will be visiting us at the same time.

If this were a game show, they would be two contestants. Let's call them Contestant A and Contestant B.

Contestant A is a 82-year-old graduate of Wellesley College. She grew up in the country in Virginia, married, and raised five children in a lovely suburb in Massachusetts while doing volunteer work for various non-profit organizations. Her politics are Republican, her religion is Episcopalian, and her outlook is both self-righteous and crabby.

Contestant B is a 60-year-old NYU drop-out. She grew up in Manhattan, married, bore two children when incredibly young, then left her family to become a hippy in the Lower East Side. She then became a Hare Krishna and lived in a commune in West Virginia for 10 years. At that point she escaped with a fellow Krishna-ite, but not before bearing a different man another child out of wedlock. She is no longer a Hare Krishna, but is still a vegetarian and a Hindu. Her outlook is also self-righteous, and she pretends to be "mellow" but actually isn't.

I understand that fireworks are illegal in New Hampshire, but I'm sure I'm going to see plenty.

Hence the total inability to get on with my day.

Carry on, people.

--P.