Joke's giving away a Hitachi Magic Wand!

All you have to do is answer the following questions, all culled from his blog entries, and the Hitachi Love-a-matic is yours. Here goes!

1. What is the best brand of products to preserve leather? Some fancy crappe I don't own.
   
2. My alcohoroscope shows me to be what sign? You are a "Bloody Aries," and I'll thank you not to make me swear.
   
3. What do I like to drink in those teeny tiny Petrossian glasses and what do I enjoy eating as an accompaniment? Jello shots; Corn Dogs.
   
4. What's my Myers-Briggs personality type? YT;TYA (You think; therefore you are)
   
5. What do I use to clean the burners of the porn grill? Your wife's Sonicaire toothbrush. Take THAT noisy annoying appliance!
   
6. How long did I actually have (in the physical sense) the car that sucked? Three minutes. And then you heartlessly threw it away. You cad.
   
7. What Rat Packer am I? Joey Bishop, a/k/a The Fifth Rat Packer.
   
8. What, in my opinion, is the worst part of living in SoFla? Being in the south and having to listen to New York accents.
   
9. Who is the artist being honored (in absentia) at JokeFest2006? Ooh, ooh! I think I actually know this one! Jimmy Buffet.
   
10. How many "tuxedo-able" bow ties do I own? Wait a minute; which ones are we counting here? The kind you have to tie yourself, or the normal kind?
    
11. What is my most heretical recipe? Food processed Elmer's Glue au Joke.
    
12. What is the title of the first book I recommended on this blog? are You there, God? It's me, Joke.
    
13. Do I consider myself a metrosexual and why or why not? No, you consider yourself a petrosexual.
    
14. How many turkeys did I grill for Thanksgiving 2005? Stop calling your family names, you big meany.
    
15. What did I spend 1/1/05 doing? Nursing a hangover like everyone else.
    
16. What scary thing did my 8 year old ask Santa for? My daughter.
    
17. What's wrong with MOST organic milk these days? It comes in plastic jugs. But not, thankfully, Pamela Anderson's.
    
18. What airline couldn't get us from "here to there" Delta Delta Delta couldn't help ya, help ya, help ya.
    
19. What do I call the day in which Poppy and self became pals? Our drivelversary. Just don't ask me the date.
    
20. What is my medical directive to my wife/children? Give. me. your. kidneys. Now!
    
21. What holiday was the subject of a LONG and hilarious blog entry that, sadly, Blogger ate? I'm not sure, but I think it was St. Prisca's Day, (July 8th) which for reasons that aren't exactly clear, you spent at Disneyland.
    
22. How did I describe the ::cough, cough:: Cupid garden statue TFBIM got? (BONUS! What happened to that statue?) "Oh my God, it's adorable!" And then you drove to the outlets in Naples and bought a lot of little outfits for it.
    
23. Which relative vexes me telephonically the most? Your great-great-great grandfather. He never calls.
    
24. How many times has an Italian car left me stranded? None. But can we say that about the female passengers?
    
25. What did I consider (at the time) to be better than sex? Suckling at your mother's teat.