Friday, August 25, 2006

When the questions outnumber the answers, it's time to go home.

1. How does New Hampshire get away with not having a sales tax?

2. What's with all the Subarus?

3. Is it possible to get tired of lobster?

4. People around here appear to eat an enormous amount of super-premium ice cream. Why aren't they fatter?

5. Why are families, who appear to demand long-term, unquestioning, unswerving love, so much ruder and harder to get along with than people who would, if asked to describe their relationship with me, employ the phrase "we're just good friends?" I'm just asking.

6. I have a clothes dryer I like to call Michael Drayton (because I'm a smartypants former English Major). Here's the deal: everything seems to be jogging along quite comfortably, and then without any warning whatsoever, the dryer breaks up with me--deciding, apparently randomly (although it might have something to do with the phases of the moon or its hormones or some such) "Nay, I have done: you get no more of me." It then stops working, and sits there, holding a load of hot wet clothes, looking sulky. Is this as rare a situation as I think?

7. If the answer to Question 6 is "yes," then how lucky am I to own what is perhaps the only Michael Drayton dryer in existence?

8. What, if anything, would its value be, if I decided to eBay it?

9. Is this why my daughter never has any clean underpants?

10. Is the Red Sox recent losing streak my fault? Or should I blame the dryer?

7 comments:

  1. In my opinion? Definitely not possible to get tired of lobster.

    ReplyDelete
  2. 1- They make it up by not having an income tax.

    2- They're tax-free!

    3- No.

    4- Giddiness at being the lowest tax-state in the Union burns off ~200 kcal./hour.

    5- Because of that unquestioning love thing. If the love were of the questioning species they'd have to be something along the lines of pleasant and/or charming.

    6- http://tinyurl.com/k86sd Mine is called "The Deaf Adder."

    7- Lucky for you it's no and not yes.

    8- Is it autographed by Drayton himself?

    9- [Homer Simpson voice] Mmmmm...dowry.[/Homer Simpson voice]

    10- I'd blame the vacuum cleaner for the way the Red Sux.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I like lobstah well enough, but I'm not one of those people who go all crazy over it...
    It sounds, my dear, like it's time for a little road trip.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's not possible to get sick of lobstah and if you have, send it to me.

    My dryer does that, too, but I don't call it Michael Drayton, I call it That Tempremental Pile Of Metal That Will Wind Up On The Scrap Heap If It Doesn't Mend Its Ways.

    Blame the losing streak on whatever works. Me? I'm burying my head in the sand and pretending it never happened. Lalala I can't hear you, box scores.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yes, it is possible to tire of lobster.

    The rest of the stuff?
    I Do Not Know

    ReplyDelete
  6. Its time to come home.



    Fiddledeedee

    ReplyDelete
  7. Property tax, In Maine it's Volkswagon Beetles, no, the fat people buy it by the half gallon at the grocery store, not sure, the larger the appliance the more tempermental they seem to be, something about someone named Michael Drayton, ditto, the shipping costs would kill you, yes and what have you done that would make you think it was all your fault? Much safer to blame the dryer.

    ReplyDelete

Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.