Blackbird tagged me with that eight things meme. Which I already did. I'm supposed to post the rules and then post eight things about me. But I'm not going to. Because I'm also on a quest to discover the weirdest thing about me.
So I've decided to post eight weird things about me, and then people can vote for the weirdest in the comments box. And I'm not tagging anyone because it didn't work the first time, so fuck it.
1. I don't watch television.
2. I don't understand why everyone is so interested in sex. Come on, people. It's just an orgasm. Sheesh.
3. As a consequence, I've never watched a single episode of Sex in the City. I understand it's about Sarah Jessica Parker having sex with Manolos, which is so nasty I simply can't believe you people.
4. That whole get married/have children/move to the suburbs trajectory? Totally my husband's idea. It's true. If you don't believe me, ask That Stud Muffin I Married. I was dragged kicking and screaming up the altar. I distinctly remember asking him. "Are you sure you're ready to get married? Don't you want to sow some more wild oats?"
5. I feel almost no affection for my mother. In fact, she drives me batshit crazy for, among other things, demanding that I write her a letter a week. So I print out blog entries and send them to her. (OK, I get rid of the swears and shit like that, OK? I don't just mail her a screen dump ... but yeah. My mother reads my blog. She just doesn't know it's a blog.)
6. I don't like gossiping. I mean, sure, OK, I can do it, just the way I can make small talk to the boring guy next to me at a dinner party, but I don't find it compelling or anything.
7. I don't like to talk on the phone. OK, people are fucking howling at this one, I can tell it. But people from the internet to whom I have talked on the phone--when we talked, did I call you? No, I didn't. YOU called ME (except for that one time with Badger) and naturally, I didn't want there to be one of those awkward silences, so OK, I kept you on the phone for two hours. But it's still your fault.
8. I didn't learn to drive until I was 35.
That last one is how I know I'm actually female. Because in a lot of other ways, I'm a man. Or maybe I'm in drag. Or at the very least, from time to time, I rustle uneasily in my transvestite clothing. To borrow a phrase from Laura Mulvey, whom I've only read
BECAUSE I'M WEIRD.
Sex and the city is a comforting show to 30-plus (age, not dress size) singles, as Sarah Jessica Parker and her friends are all single and 30-plus and MOST of the show is them kvetching about how horrible men are.
ReplyDeleteBut it's not for everyone.
So I wouldn't count that as wierd.
I vote for #4. Recently a friend commented on the whole "sowing one's wild oats thing" as "Oh, so you want to give your future wife venereal diseases?" Which I found uproariously funny this morning and was laughing in my shower.
I take your weird and raise you...
Besides, I don't ever become friends with normal people. They bore me to death.
(and looky, I'm #1!!)
Your confusion about #2 could be cleared up by assiduous engagement in #1.
ReplyDeleteHelpfully,
-J.
Uh yeah, you DID call me. And I don't like to talk on the phone either. But I liked talking to YOU. Because that's how weird I am.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'll have to abstain from the voting, because I don't think you're weird at all.
Or WAIT! Maybe the weirdest thing about you is the company you keep! Yeah, I'm going with that one.
6 is just a shame.
ReplyDeleteI'm totally going with #2 and #4, especially since so many of the others could apply to me. So you're not actually that weird. :-)
ReplyDeleteI don't know. Some of my best friends don't watch tv (although I certainly do, and think that TiVo is the greatest invention since sliced bread); sex can be lots of fun but is overrated; lots more people than would ever admit it have little or no affection for their mothers; etc.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I can't help wondering if you aren't holding out on something truly and shockingly weird, which I hope you will cop to some booze-sodden night in this space (friends shouldn't let friends blog drunk). Perhaps your 5th grade teacher has some dirt on you.
The irony here is if we get some juicy weirdness tidbit it will become a source of gossip, thus violating #6. But if I have to pick from these 8, I'll go for the driving thing. And my question is: how many #2s did you experience in other people's cars before you were 35?
Personally, I guess I have to go with #8, because although I have seen Sex & the City, I only watch it when I'm trapped in hotel rooms with very bad cable. I've never seen the non-bleeped version.
ReplyDeleteOther than that? I think I'm you.