Good things for Earth Day

To honor Earth Day, I was going to recycle an old post. But then I figured what the hell--I'll tell you about my day. Which was spent on the planet Earth.

Today the planet Earth was warm! And sunny! I walked around the house on tiptoe--I hear that reduces my carbon footprint. Then I sat outside and read, using the sun instead of a lightbulb. It's even better than a compact fluorescent bulb. Really!

Tonight I'm going to climb into clean, crisp sheets (that I washed in warm water, not hot, using a low-watchmacallit detergent that comes in a plastic jug that I recycle, sheesh!) But oh, the sheets! They're the Pottery Barn ones with the red dots embroidered on them. They make high thread-count sheets feel insubstantial and slimy. They're fabulous.

I did another movie/walk. Yay me. Tonight's selection was Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. I'm watching all the Harry Potters because I'm getting the latest one through Netflix and I want to get up to speed. Yesterday's Harry Potter movie clocked in at 161 minutes. Azkaban was shorter, but you know that thing where your DVD player slows way down and you end up watching scenes in super-slow motion, and just when you think, alright, already, I'll Windex the disc, it gets better? Well, mine was doing that tonight. I think it added 10 or 15 minutes to my walk. If this keeps up, I'll be able to crack walnuts with my butt cheeks. Of course, using an electric treadmill and watching a DVD isn't very earth-friendly, so I think I'm going to have to make my genius husband convert the treadmill into a generator to power the home theater. Otherwise Al Gore will come and make a house arrest.

I didn't have to go anywhere today. So no driving. Excellent!

The phone didn't ring. Except for when my big brother called. You know how I hate to talk on the phone? Well, my brother is one of the people who never calls me unless he's just had a baby or something. I mean, the guy will talk your head off in person, but God forbid he destroy the ozone level for mere chit-chat. This time he called to tell me he was getting married. That's worth a phone call. Even a long distance one.

So you see? I celebrated Earth Day just like every other right thinking person.

And now, for something completely different. And I've saved the best for last. Tonight, my son asked me what a bombshell is. I told him the literal meaning, and then told him the word is also a slang term for "an amazingly attractive woman."

He said "Oh, like you."

And didn't laugh.