Saturday, April 05, 2008

Please tell me this is a joke

Spotted on a local Freecycle list:

Wanted: Canine Lullabies or other CD for dogs with Anxiety

My dog goes crazy every time it rains and more so when it thunders. He shakes terribly and starts trashing the house. We have tried everything from medications to other music, etc. It was suggested that I try a CD for these types of issues. Canine Lullabies is the one I know about, but if you have a different one for this anxiety-type issue, I will be happy to try it.

OK, I'm an asshole.

But I don't particularly like dogs. In fact, I pretty much dislike dogs, with a few exceptions.

I like dogs who belong to friends of mine. (I only met Jen Lancaster's Maisie once, but she is Mah Widdle Puddin, yes, she is! OK, FINE. I was drunk.)

But I'm also a sucker for pugs and Boston Terriers. In fact, I like most mid-size dogs, like terriers or spaniels.

I don't see the point of long-haired little yappy dogs like Papillons and Bichon Frises. They seem noisy, and messy, and high-maintenance and annoying.

And I especially don't see the point of city or suburban dwellers buying dogs who were specially bred to help people hunt or take care of their sheep, if they're going to keep their dogs crated, stuck indoors, or penned up in a yard 90 percent of the time.

Until they're neurotic.

And need their owners to buy them fucking lullaby CDs.

7 comments:

  1. Oh just WAIT until you meet my dog, whose best trick is snoring. On her bed. FAR AWAY FROM ME.

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  2. I hate dogs. That's why we have two of them.

    Yesterday I went to Sydney's equivalent of Best in Show, which was weird because I thought we were going to a fresh produce market and really? It hadn't occurred to me that dogs and fresh produce, much of it at snout level, was ever a good idea. But there you go. What would I know.

    I've got a great remedy for a dog with anxiety. It involves a needle and a nice long sleep.

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  3. Poppy,

    I know that you couldn't possibly be referring to fiddledeedog, who loves and adores you.

    Fiddledeedee

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, thank you. I'm not a Dog Person, despite my daughter's best efforts to convince me that she NEEDS A DOG!!

    Yes, there are a few special pooches I like, but really? I'm happy to live a dog-fre life.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can top that.

    I don't like any dogs, even the dogs of people whom I like. If you, Poppy, whom I greatly like, had a dog I would dislike the dog. In fact, I am already disliking the dog you might eventually get in your advanced years. Because I like to save time like that.

    I also don't like pugs, Boston (or any other) terriers, or spaniels.

    That's not to say I wish dogs any harm. I just wish them to stay away from me. To be fair, I also wish the same of cats; but cats are far more acquiescent in this regard than their canine equivalents.

    Box turtles are also pretty good about leaving me the hell alone, as well.

    -J.

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  6. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.