Thursday, May 15, 2008

Mommybloggers made me gay.

Actually, Mommybloggers didn't make me gay. But reading mommybloggers taught me something very important about myself:

I'm a man.

This is how I know. I've been reading blogs for four years. Most of the bloggers I read are women. I'm getting insights all the time into What Women Want. Sigmund Freud? Call me. I have the answer.

The thing is, I don't want it myself. Which means I'm either a freak or a man. I'd prefer to be a man.

So here's why I think I'm a man:

I don't like to talk on the phone.
I don't like to get dressed up.
I wear what I like and don't really care what's in style.
I watched a single episode of Sex in the City and hated it.
I've never watched Lost, Dancing with the Stars, or American Idol.
I find all soap operas to be insane wastes of time.
I don't really enjoy shopping at Target.
I don't really enjoy shopping, period.
I hate malls.
I don't like going out to lunch.
I don't really understand hinting around or attempts to manipulate me.
I don't find Justin Timberlake, Brad Pitt, or David Beckham sexually attractive.
When my children get hurt, my first reaction is to tell them to stop whining.
I don't like chick lit.
I do like Patrick O'Brian novels.
I think everyone should smell like soap and toothpaste.
I don't even know how to order coffee at Starbucks.
I don't care how things make other people feel.

and most important:

I am extremely uncomfortable when strange men flirt with me.

See? I'm a man.

15 comments:

  1. I'm with you on not getting Sex and the City, telling whining children to hush up, and not knowing how to order coffee at Starbucks.

    And here I thought I was the only one...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hmm. I have at least half of these going on for me, too.

    But I like Target. And good perfume. I'd choose a Patrick O'Brian novel over most chick lit, but I don't really like either one.

    I'm gender neutral?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hmmmmm. I think I married you.

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  4. According to your list I'm feeling gender neutral as well. Or bi.

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  5. If you are extremely uncomfortable when strange men flirt with you, wouldn't you by definition NOT be gay? I'm just sayin'

    Also, yesyesyes to the no phone-talking, no Brad-Pitting, no soap-opera-ing.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Um, except you seem to need positive feedback, which most guys I know don't need. And you promote your tits---hey, if they can't promote themselves....KWIM? Time for a reduction or a better bra.

    Signed, OK w/ myself, merely a droopy DD

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  7. Not only do I feel uncomfortable when strange men flirt with me, I kinda want to run the other way screaming.

    I'm about 25% with you on your list. What does that make me? A hag? Or just confused?

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  8. Good Lord, I'm a lesbian.

    -J.

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  9. I think you should celebrate your inner Y chromosome!

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  10. According to your list I think I am about half man. I've always told hub I was the *guy* here and he was the girl... because he's definitely a girly guy. He whines and pouts and wants to talk about *hurt feelings* and ugh ugh UGH. But I love Sex and the City. And Target is my second home. Clothes? Just cover my ass and boobs and I am happy.

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  11. Hey anonymous, I was only kidding about being gay.

    Please take your droopy DD breastzillas out of my face RIGHT NOW.

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  12. PLEASE tell me at least you enjoy going to Home Depot?! I'm with ya girlfriend!

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  13. We share all of these but two. I've never heard of Mr. O'Brian - I like to read history and apologetics. And I order coffee at Starbucks. Coffee. No frufru stuff. My Hunny's the woman in our marriage. He's quite emotionally alert. Yeah, that's the term for it.

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  14. ...AND I can read/draw/follow a map. Anywhere. I must be a man too.

    FA

    I wouldn't know Justin Timberlake if he fell on me.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm with you on everything but the phone calls, the caring what I wear, and the worrying about how other people feel. But I'm working on that. I like lunches out, but I prefer date nights when the babysitter puts the kids to bed.

    ReplyDelete

Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.