Sunday, May 25, 2008

An open letter to PETA

Dear People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals:

Yesterday I came upon this ad on the Go Fug Yourselves site:



Who Is The Sexiest Vegetarian? PETA's 8th annual World's Sexiest Vegetarian Celebrity contest has begun and we need your help choosing the hottest of 2008!

Who's sexier? Adult film icon Jenna Jameson or Hero cutie Hayden Panettiere? Actor Milo Ventimiglia or musician Mos Def? You tell us.

Check out the nominees & cast your vote!

---
Now PETA, let me ask you something. Is it OK that I've only heard of one of those people--that being this Haydn Planetarium person? I mean, am I completely out of it for never having heard of Milo Centipedia or Moses Deaf? Or are all these people--as I suspect--essentially D-Listers?

And as for the "adult film icon?" Frankly, I'm glad I've never heard of her.

I mean--and I'm asking this with all due respect: is it actually possible for someone to be an "adult film icon"? Does this category of celebrity actually even exist? And even if it does, isn't the phrase "adult film icon"--let's be honest here--a euphemism for "porn star?"

Come to think of it, isn't "porn star" really an oxymoron? Because we all pretty much agree that a star is someone who is really, really famous, but honestly, what kind of person would admit to knowing porn stars by name? (I mean, except for some pathetic loserish basement boys, and/or the twerps who write reviews for Hustler magazine?)

OK, so maybe I'm dating myself and Hustler (which may or may not still exist--who knows? Not I) doesn't review porn videos anymore.

But still. What I'm saying here is, aren't we reaching pretty far down the publicity barrel? I mean, you're trying to convince people to treat animals ethically, but you're using
porn stars as examples of decent, well-meaning, ecologically-correct citizens?

And one more thing, PETA. Isn't it sort of funny that someone who won't eat meat is apparently earning a living making movies where she swallows a lot of tube steak?

These are just a few questions, PETA, and there's no rush getting back to me.

Seriously, I'll just be here clubbing baby seals until you reply.

Yours very truly,
Poppy Buxom

8 comments:

  1. I have it on good authority that Jenna Jameson does, in fact, eat meat.

    ReplyDelete
  2. OMG, I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe. Tube steak!

    Seriously, you are the funniest person on the blogosphere.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I question PETA on this one, as I can quickly think of half a dozen A- and B-list stars who are well known for being HAWT vegetarians. Well, except for Ed Begley Jr. Not so much HAWT there.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey! Milo's hot! He's on Heroes, too. Mos Def I only know from the movie version of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Haydn Planetarium? (Hee hee!) I always thought her name was Hayden Panties-Derriere.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I thought Mos Def was a Star Wars character. No? May I join you in the clubbing of the baby seals?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh my gawd the girl needs to eat something. Isn't there a group out there trying to save people from malnutrition. I mean you can see her rib cage. EWWWWWWW

    ReplyDelete
  8. I first heard of Mos Def when I saw him in a movie, "Something the Lord Made" (excellent movie and nothing like what the title implies) anyway.. found out later he's a rap musician. One who does NOT do nasty dirty filthy lyrics that you would hate to hear yourself, let lone your kids. Imagine that. a rapper with principles...

    ReplyDelete

Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.