Monday, June 09, 2008


So last winter we had those space pack thingies installed--the ones that bring the joys of CENTRAL AIR CONDITIONING to very old houses like mine, which was built when you sat and sweltered through two or three months of brutal Chicago summers. And grilled or ate cold food. And kept the shades drawn. And guzzled iced tea. And used window units and fans. And suffered.

Speaking of suffering, having holes punched in the ceiling and having to empty all the closets so that big silver tubes can be run up and down from the attic and the condenser and all that ... well, what a pain. My closets are still non-functional. I can't find ANYTHING.

And then listing our five, count 'em, five window air conditioning units on Freecycle and having random strangers come and pick them up--that was a pain, too. (Why is it that the people who want free air conditioners are wee little ladies who weigh maybe 85 pounds? And therefore, I end up helping them move the window units into their cars? And worry that I'll throw out my back? I mean, come on, tiny little ladies! It's an air conditioner! Bring some muscle with you!)

Well, anyway, today was pay off time. The guy came to start up our new CENTRAL AIR CONDITIONING. And he showed up just in time, because we had one of our 90 degree Fahrenheit/80 percent humidity days on Sunday, and it was brutal.

So here I sit, in lovely air-conditioned comfort.

Cool as the proverbial cucumber.

This gives a whole new meaning to the word "summer." The dread is gone. I can already feel all the brain cells atrophying that contain knowledge like "in the afternoon, close the shades on the southern side of the house."

I'm channeling Scarlett O'Hara; As God is my witness, I may never go sweaty again.


  1. Feels good, doesn't it!?

  2. OH MAH GOD. It feels WONDERFUL.

  3. Screw you. (I say as I sit in front of my measly tower fan.)

    Message sent with the utmost affection, of course.

  4. If global warming has its way, the "salvation of the south" is really going to become the salvation of everywhere. Air conditioning is totally awesome. And you will be totally spoiled. Just wait until you're complaining that its too cold on a ninety degree day.

  5. Yep. Had ours going in the window last night. And holy hell, it was luxury. I may even start liking my family again.

    Of course (of course!) today is 50+ degrees out and the kids are underdressed for school, but (I laugh merrily) oh well!

  6. You know, when you yankees bitch about the heat, I always forget most of you don't have central air. Until I go up north to visit relatives in the dead of summer.

    Won't stop me from making fun of you, though.

  7. Bless your heart, yankees don't bitch. We kvetch.

    And we don't do it because we want to. We do it to educate the ignorant. All those people who keep congratulating themselves for living where there are no cold winters. The people who (I name no names) keep claiming that "you don't have to shovel heat" and in the next breath start complaining about how hot it is where they live. In March. While we still have a foot of snow on the ground.

    We revenge ourselves by deporting the whiniest, crabbiest, most elderly and least attractive members of our demographic to take up residence in the south for several months a year.

    That's what you get for not having to shovel snow. You can just shovel stinking piles of yankee bullshit every winter, instead.

    Not to mention the appalling number of retirees we foist upon you.

    A group that includes my mother-in-law. The former Hare Krishna.

    Yes, it's cruel. But--to my mind, at least--fair.

  8. Ah, and yet here on the prairie? it is a sunny and mild 72.

  9. Just shut up about your air conditioning you cool and not hot person you.

    Now, excuse me while I go and turn on the fans.

  10. Poppy, your comment deserves full post status.

    I'm with you on the AC. It's amazing how much my mood changes when I finally break down and turn it on.

  11. Turn it off? I never turn it off. Not until October. Maybe.

  12. Congratulations! I think a pitcher of sangria would be really good about now ...


Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.