It reminds me of that old saw about playing the accordion.

You know the one: "A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion--but doesn't."

So here's what made me think of it: I was flipping through this month's Town & Country magazine, and saw a little blurb about a guy named Robert Rufino. Apparently he's been on the international best-dressed list twice.

Here he models the latest in maroon satin baby bibs.
There's a picture. He's wearing cream-colored trousers, a light blue shirt, and a blue and white seersucker sportscoat. Instead of a belt, he's got a lime-green and white striped tie tied around his waist, a la Fred Astaire.

And then he's got on a navy-blue spotted tie that falls a good four inches below his belt buckle should be. Except he doesn't have a belt buckle, because he's wearing a man-sash, or mash.

OK, here's what's wrong with all that. The whole ensemble is extremely self-consciously retro, right down to the pleats on his Chariots of Fire pants. You can tell that he thinks he looks just like Fred Astaire. I'm not sure Astaire got away with using a tie as a belt, but he was Astaire. This guy? No. And his other tie, the one hanging off his neck, is too dark and way too long. Either he's tied it wrong or he's a midget.*

Should I scan this picture so we're all on the same page? Here's another one I found on teh internet:

What a living doll. A Ken doll. In a double-breasted suit. And French cuffs the size of his head.

But then comes the interview, where he makes the following statement:

I'm lucky in that because I'm slim, I can wear a Speedo--but not everybody can or should, please!**

Consider my mind OFFICIALLY BOGGLED. Being on the best-dressed list and admitting to wearing a Speedo should be a logical impossibility.

Mr. Rufino, please put the accordion Speedo down. And back away slowly. A gentleman is someone who can wear a Speedo. BUT DOESN'T.

* He's a midget. It turns out he's five foot seven.

** It turns out he used to weigh 200 pounds. On five foot seven, that would be asking a lot of a Speedo. I know, he didn't wear it then. Still. Think about it. Have I put you off your feed? Than my work here is done.