Perfect Fourth

Because I'm a music nerd, I'll mention that my title is a pun. If you click on the link, you will find out more than you ever wanted to know about the musical interval of the perfect fourth.

But let's not and say we did, OK? Because I'm talking about today's fourth of July celebration.

First--and my God, this seems like a week ago--I went to the gym for an hour with my personal trainer, Denise the Maharini of Massage.

I had an invigorating workout, which is my polite way of saying that she beat the shit out of me. I had to do sprints on the stationery bike while doing deltoid presses. I had to do squats while I did curls and rolled a medicine ball up and down a wall with my back. And when Denise tired of that sort of fun, she put me through a series of stretches that had me--and I know I indulge in a spot of hyperbole from time to time, but right now, I'm not--using my dimly-remembered Lamaze breathing techniques. "Does that hurt?" she'd ask, and I wouldn't be able to answer because I was too busy panting. "Yeah-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh."

But see, when you start the day with a killer workout like that, you have every right to indulge in all the salty snacks, cocktails, and homemade vanilla ice cream you can get.

So I did.

We had tortilla chips and guacamole and drinks and barbecued pork ribs and a ton of different sausages and corn on the cob and tabouli and Badger's potato salad (with mozzarella, artichoke hearts, basil, and tomatoes) and watermelon.

Then we took a break while my daughter did the Mentos-in-a bottle of soda explosion.

Then we had home-made vanilla bean ice cream with fresh strawberry sauce, garnished with blueberries and topped with whipped cream, and it was GOOD.

Then we went to the Newtopian fireworks, which were AWESOME. It's the first time we actually bothered to go, and we only went because my son had a friend over who goes every year. But what a revelation! I'd say those fireworks were worth every penny of the the property taxes we've paid for the past decade.

I made home movies of the Mentos experiment. I also recorded some of the fireworks. I'm hoping to cut them together to make the soda bottles explode into fireworks.

Now, see, I'm sure you had a great fourth. But mine was perfect. Because it's going to win me the Academy Award for "Best Independence Day Special Effects."

I mean, exploding the White House? Pfft! Strictly for amateurs.