It was late, and I was exhausted

so luckily, Joke had a meme for me to steal.

1. How do you like your eggs?
Scrambled--but softly. No little hard weeping yellow rabbit turds, s.v.p.

2. How do you take your coffee/tea?
Tea: PG Tips, boil the water, heat the pot, then steep five teabags in a big teapot for five minutes. Two percent milk and Splenda.

I'm not nearly as fussy about coffee. I prefer American coffee but will tolerate a latte or cappuccino. Occasionally I go wild with cream or even, if I'm at a rest stop and have no choice, creamer, but the usual 2 percent milk and sugar substitute is what I really prefer.

I don't like and won't drink either one black.

Oh, and caffeinated, for Christ's sake. Unless it's midnight.

3. Favorite breakfast food:

scrambled eggs with sauteed tomatoes and goat cheese or

a bowl of maple-flavored Weight Loss oatmeal with frozen blueberries or

Wheat Chex and a banana

always with

tea

and don't be stingy, baby.

4. Peanut butter:
Smucker's stir-up-the-oil, creamy not chunky--I hate those little peanut nibs. They get stuck in my teeth.

5. What kind of dressing on your salad?
There is only one dressing: home-made vinaigrette. That I made. According to my particular method. (That I think I ripped off from James Beard.)

6. Coke or Pepsi?
Diet Coke. In a can or a fountain one in a paper cup. I hate the way iced beverages weep water all over the place.

7. You’re feeling lazy. What do you make?
A toasted bagel with butter.

8. You’re feeling really lazy. What kind of pizza do you order?
Mixed vegetable. With broccoli if I can get it. But we make our own pizza, so I do better than that at home. Try sauteed shallots and blue cheese, or goat cheese and sauteed sweet red pepper, or lots of different kinds of sauteed mushrooms. Or anchovy. NO MEAT; I can't stand any of that greasy, sausage-y stuff.

9. You feel like cooking. What do you make?
Well, today I made a roast capon with stuffing, roast new potatoes, steamed broccoli, and a tossed green salad heavy on the cucumbers and sweet red pepper.

10. Do any foods bring back good memories?
Yes, lots.

11. Do any foods bring back bad memories?
Yes, lots. Any food with that cafeteria feeling brings back evil memories of feeling dorky in 5th and 6th grade.

12. Do any foods remind you of someone?
Anything flavored with bourbon reminds me of my mother, because she flavors all desserts with bourbon. I mean, you practicaly expect to find it in her chocolate chip cookies.

13. Is there a food you refuse to eat?
Prairie oysters. (They aren't oysters at all. They can't kid ME.)

14. What was your favorite food as a child?
Succotash. I never seemed to get enough lima beans.

15. Is there a food that you hated as a child but now like?
Yes, lots. Ham, cheese, and mustard are three that come immediately to mind. You can imagine what a joy I was whenever I was offered a ham and cheese sandwich. And with mustard? World War III probably seemed preferable. Now I love all three. Go figure.

16. Is there a food that you liked as a child but now hate?
Hi-C "fruit" "drink"

17. Favorite fruit and vegetable:
fruit--wow, that's a tough one, but I'd have to say oranges. Although there isn't anything better than a perfectly ripe pear.
vegetable--another tough one. I'd say tomatoes, closely followed by eggplant

18. Favorite junk food:
Skittles

19. Favorite between meal snack:
Anything not nailed down. If calories weren't an issue, I'd say nuts. Cashews, especially.

20. Do you have any weird food habits?
I tend to eat all of a food on my plate, then move to the next food.
I hate listening to people talk about food.
I especially hate listening to foodies talk about food. After about five minutes of listening to people discuss various kinds of salt or vinegar or whatever they're nattering on about, my hand moves unconsciously towards my not-very-impressive knife collection, because I need to jullienne their noses.

21. You’re on a diet. What food(s) do you fill up on?
Fruit, salads, those baby carrots that come in a bag, sugarless gum, Diet Coke, tea, miso soup

22. You’re off your diet. Now what would you like?
A margarita, one of those layered taco dips, and a bag of tortilla chips

23. How spicy do you order Indian/Thai?
Medium

24. Can I get you a drink?
Sure!

25. Red or White Wine?
White unless I'm eating red meat. Although I can tolerate a light red with fish (or turkey or whatever the fucking foodies tell me is OK and even preferable.) But between you and me, red wine is a pain in the ass. I only drink it because I don't like it that much, so I don't guzzle it and get drunk, and eventually, fat.

26. Favorite dessert?
Something made with fruit and not chocolate. Sweet baby Jebus when will people get over their obsession with chocolate? Oh, and all that crap about dark chocolate? Shut up. I mean it. That shit paid my college tuition. Don't start telling me you only like dark chocolate; that milk chocolate is crap; blah blah balh. I knew about real chocolate needing to contain chocolate liquor (what foodies call cacao) when I was 10 years old. So you can fucking bite me with your ooh-la-la chocolate. I can't stand it. Take that bar of Valrhona and put it where the sun don't shine.

27. The perfect nightcap?
I don't think I get this. It sounds like something Darrin would drink on Bewitched. Do people still do this? You mean, fixing yourself a drink right before you go to bed? This is not my thing at all. What a pain. I'd just have to go brush my teeth again.