Monday, September 08, 2008

The only thing that's dorkier than wearing a Girl Scout Leader uniform

is putting on your brand-new Girl Scout Leader uniform and walking to the meeting--in full view of the neighbors and the entire population of your children's school--only to find out that the other leaders canceled the meeting. And there was no real reason for you to look that stupid.

In other words, pity me, because this is what I was wearing today:

ADULT NAVY TWIN SET-CARDIGAN AND SHELL-OFFICIAL
Official Adult Cardigan and Shell sweater set. You can shoplift like crazy go almost anywhere is this hugely oversized, completely baggy easy-to-wear twin set. The navy twin set has a jewel neck cardigan and sleevless [sic] shell, gold buttons down the front with the words "I look like shit" "Girl Scouts" embroidered in gold. Made of soft cotton/polyester jersey. Machine washable. Produced by some poor starving child and Imported from the developing countries you do-goody volunteer ladies claim to want to help.

Do you think that making me wear this twinset was some kind of Girl Scout passive-aggression? You know, like the way they're always planting adorable cookie-peddling cherubs in front of the grocery store at 5:30 p.m. when you're starving and are on your third day of the South Beach Diet?

But if there's Girl Scout Passive-Aggressive, there must be Girl Scout Aggressive-Aggressive. Otherwise it's just a theory. An intriguing one, I admit, but still--just a theory. Is there cruel and unusual punishment, Girl Scout style?

Oh, yeah.

It's this:


OFFICIAL ADULT WOMEN'S ALTHOUGH WE SUPPOSE IT COULD WORK ON A GUY CLASSIC i.e., DESIGNED IN 1962 SHIRT DRESS
Utterly shapeless Easy fit styling with button front, back yoke and side seam pockets where you can hide the spoon you're using to dig your way out of Girl Scout prison. Matte gold buttons because shiny buttons are so 1964 trim mock breast pockets for trimming your mock breasts, shoulder epaulets for that all important very butch prison matron look and button cuffs. In evergreen. Polyester. Because nothing says "green" like a heaping helping of non-biodegradable polyester Available in Misses Sizes 4 to 20 and for the Leaders who can't seem to stay out of the cookies, Women's Sizes 20W to 28W. FINAL SALE - NO RETURNS - NO EXCHANGES
WAS: $65.00 to $75.00 NOW: ALL SIZES $15.99 Please, please take these bow-wows off our hands or no one will ever volunteer to be a leader.

14 comments:

  1. $15.99?
    What if we added our own belt and tucked a scarf under that collar?

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  2. If you wear the green dress, I recommend nude panty hose (with reinforced toe) and penny loafers.

    And THAT was why I always refused to wear the uniform when I was a troop leader.

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  3. There are guys on Wall Street who'd pay huge money to...uh...never mind.

    -J.

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  4. Yup - at first, I thought it was that green dress you were wearing in public - in which case, we would have to have you committed (but, hey, you would already have the right clothes!).

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  5. Hah! I once went to a Spirituality Circle where I was the only person who had not been told to wear black. I had on a multi-striped sweater and an orange baseball cap.

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  6. You crack me up.

    I had a Girl Scout leader for whom the Women's Prison Guard dress was made. But because it actually was 1964, the buttons would have had to be spit-polished shiny.

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  7. Thanks for the best laugh today since the geezerlo.

    Fa

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  8. But, does it come with a smart and jaunty hat?

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  9. Oh Dude. The Girl Scouts are so gonna be after your butt. ;-)

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  10. Just think of the merit badges you could earn; Blogger Badge, Prison Guard Techniques Badge, Waterboarding Badge, What Not to Wear Badge, Witness Relocator Badge etc.

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  11. Look at you fancy pants Newtopian Girl Scout Leaders! I've yet to see a Girl Scout leader around here in uniform. The men who are Boy Scout Leaders - well, that's another story.

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  12. Oh, my, this made me laugh out loud!

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  13. Finding this entry really late: here on the Planet Ann Arbor, I don't think anyone ever wears any kind of leader uniform and I doubt that the local council or whatever it is requires it. Jeans or my signature holey old cotton-spandex leggings maybe.

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  14. Tee hee - I know I am very late on this but I am a Brownie leader in the UK and we wear jeans and a polo shirt. We're meant to have a stripey blouse for offical occasions but it makes us look like we just finished a shift shelf-stacking so there has been wholesale rebellion against it.

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Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.