In other words, pity me, because this is what I was wearing today:
ADULT NAVY TWIN SET-CARDIGAN AND SHELL-OFFICIAL
Official Adult Cardigan and Shell sweater set. You canshoplift like crazygo almost anywhere is thishugely oversized, completely baggyeasy-to-wear twin set. The navy twin set has a jewel neck cardigan and sleevless [sic] shell, gold buttons down the front with the words"I look like shit""Girl Scouts" embroidered in gold. Made of soft cotton/polyester jersey. Machine washable.Produced by some poor starving child andImportedfrom the developing countries you do-goody volunteer ladies claim to want to help.
Do you think that making me wear this twinset was some kind of Girl Scout passive-aggression? You know, like the way they're always planting adorable cookie-peddling cherubs in front of the grocery store at 5:30 p.m. when you're starving and are on your third day of the South Beach Diet?
But if there's Girl Scout Passive-Aggressive, there must be Girl Scout Aggressive-Aggressive. Otherwise it's just a theory. An intriguing one, I admit, but still--just a theory. Is there cruel and unusual punishment, Girl Scout style?
Oh, yeah.
It's this:
OFFICIAL ADULT WOMEN'SALTHOUGH WE SUPPOSE IT COULD WORK ON A GUYCLASSICi.e., DESIGNED IN 1962SHIRT DRESSUtterly shapelessEasy fit styling with button front, back yoke and side seam pocketswhere you can hide the spoon you're using to dig your way out of Girl Scout prison. Matte gold buttonsbecause shiny buttons are so 1964trim mock breast pocketsfor trimming your mock breasts,shoulder epauletsfor that all important very butch prison matron lookand button cuffs. In evergreen. Polyester.Because nothing says "green" like a heaping helping of non-biodegradable polyesterAvailable in Misses Sizes 4 to 20 andfor the Leaders who can't seem to stay out of the cookies,Women's Sizes 20W to 28W. FINAL SALE - NO RETURNS - NO EXCHANGES
WAS: $65.00 to $75.00 NOW: ALL SIZES $15.99Please, please take these bow-wows off our hands or no one will ever volunteer to be a leader.
$15.99?
ReplyDeleteWhat if we added our own belt and tucked a scarf under that collar?
If you wear the green dress, I recommend nude panty hose (with reinforced toe) and penny loafers.
ReplyDeleteAnd THAT was why I always refused to wear the uniform when I was a troop leader.
There are guys on Wall Street who'd pay huge money to...uh...never mind.
ReplyDelete-J.
Yup - at first, I thought it was that green dress you were wearing in public - in which case, we would have to have you committed (but, hey, you would already have the right clothes!).
ReplyDeleteHah! I once went to a Spirituality Circle where I was the only person who had not been told to wear black. I had on a multi-striped sweater and an orange baseball cap.
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up.
ReplyDeleteI had a Girl Scout leader for whom the Women's Prison Guard dress was made. But because it actually was 1964, the buttons would have had to be spit-polished shiny.
Thanks for the best laugh today since the geezerlo.
ReplyDeleteFa
But, does it come with a smart and jaunty hat?
ReplyDeleteOh Dude. The Girl Scouts are so gonna be after your butt. ;-)
ReplyDeleteJust think of the merit badges you could earn; Blogger Badge, Prison Guard Techniques Badge, Waterboarding Badge, What Not to Wear Badge, Witness Relocator Badge etc.
ReplyDeleteLook at you fancy pants Newtopian Girl Scout Leaders! I've yet to see a Girl Scout leader around here in uniform. The men who are Boy Scout Leaders - well, that's another story.
ReplyDeleteOh, my, this made me laugh out loud!
ReplyDeleteFinding this entry really late: here on the Planet Ann Arbor, I don't think anyone ever wears any kind of leader uniform and I doubt that the local council or whatever it is requires it. Jeans or my signature holey old cotton-spandex leggings maybe.
ReplyDeleteTee hee - I know I am very late on this but I am a Brownie leader in the UK and we wear jeans and a polo shirt. We're meant to have a stripey blouse for offical occasions but it makes us look like we just finished a shift shelf-stacking so there has been wholesale rebellion against it.
ReplyDelete