Hang a shining star upon the highest meme

99 Things

Stolen from Major Bedhead, who stole it from Daysgoby.

Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to - leave in plain font

1. Started your own blog. Hello? Have we not been paying attention?

2. Slept under the stars.

3. Played in a band. Maybe. See, there was this one time I improvised a little on the electric piano at a strip joint in the Combat Zone in Boston.

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity. Yes. Because I'm not just extravagant when it comes to scarves, makeup, perfume, and pocketbooks.

7. Been to Disneyland/world. More times than I can count.

8. Climbed a mountain Does Mount Monadnock count, and does it count if I was on drugs? Because that's pretty much the only way you'll get me to climb a mountain.

9. Held a praying mantis. Hold one of those big holier-than-thou show-offs? As if. If praying mantises knew what was good for them, they'd go into their closets and pray to their father in heaven in secret.

10. Sang a solo (in the shower). As a friend of mine in college used to say: "I used to wish I could sing. Now I wish you couldn't."

11. Bungee jumped HELL TO THE NO.

12. Visited Paris. Oui, oui times three.

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea. My stepmother had a house in Maine on the seacoast with a three lighthouse view. I'll never forget watching lightning strike the sea.

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch. Making beaded jewelry is the only one I can think of, other than my pathetic attempts with needlepoint (boring!) and cooking (mundane.)

15. Adopted a child.

16. Had food poisoning.

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables. Peas, string beans, tomatoes, lettuce, and green peppers. About one of each.

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France More than once. I always take pictures of the crowds looking at her.

20. Slept on an overnight train. Chicago/New York, first class, with the attendant turning the seats into made-up beds while we ate dinner in the dining car. It was awesome.

21. Had a pillow fight.

22. Hitch hiked.

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill. If you haven't done that, you can't be my friend.

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb.

26. Gone skinny dipping.

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse. I actually can't remember whether any solar eclipses I've seen were total. Which just goes to show you what an insensitive clod I am. God forbid I play an extra in A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, because I probably wouldn't even notice that the sun had disappeared. But I have seen a total lunar eclipse.

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset. Not on the same day, though.

31. Hit a home run.

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors. I grew up in Massachusetts, my ancestors emigrated from England in 1630, and I've been to England, so yeah, I'd say so. But I haven't tracked down any cemeteries or anything like that.

35. Seen an Amish community. Sort of. My sister used to live in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, which has a lot of Amish. You could tell their farms from the lack of power lines and the hand-made hayricks. But I didn't go party with them or anything.

36. Taught yourself a new language. I'm working on Ubba Dubba.

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing. AS FUCKING IF. I wouldn't even go up those rock climbing walls at the gym. NO WAY.

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David. Well ... I saw the copy of the statue outside the museum in Florence where the original stands, but if I remember correctly, there was a national strike that day and we couldn't get in to see it.

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted. I've had mine drawn. It's interesting to see what someone else thinks you look like.

48. Gone deep sea fishing.

49. Seen the Sistene Chapel in person.

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling In Sarasota. I think I swallowed half of the Gulf of Mexico.

52. Kissed in the rain but I was indoors.

53. Played in the mud. I distinctly remember playing in the mud the day John F. Kennedy was shot.

54. Gone to a drive-in theater. Drive-ins are the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of American leisure time activities. What can be better than driving to the movies--and then getting to stay in your car? Nothing, that's what.

55. Been in a movie.

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching.

63. Gotten flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood

65. Gone sky diving. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? JUMP OUT OF AN AIRPLANE?

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp. Somehow this doesn't strike me as a rip-roaring good time.

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square Maybe. I can't remember. I've been there, but I wasn't gawking at the signs or anything.

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job Twice! Yay me!

76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London

77. Broken a bone

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person From an airplane.

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican. I told them Joke says hi.

82. Bought a brand new car.

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper. Only the society pages, darling. (And it was not a big impressive newspaper.)

85. Read the entire Bible. But you're not getting me near those non-canonical books or any of that ridiculous Dan Brown "The Gospel according to Todd, a/k/a the 13th Apostle" nonsense.

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating. Because my people like to stick lobsters into pots of boiling water and listen to them scrabbling at the sides of the pot in a vain attempt to escape. I am also extremely ruthless with quahogs and oysters and have been known to swallow them alive.

88. Had chickenpox.

89. Saved someone’s life.

90. Sat on a jury. I've done jury duty half a dozen times, but they never pick me. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

91. Met someone famous. One of the them even sent me flowers.

92. Joined a book club. If you're talking about the kind where you get four books for a dollar, and not the kind where you hang out in someone's living room drinking cheap white wine and pretending to have read The Lovely Bones.

93. Lost a loved one. It sucks.

94. Had a baby. Two.

95. Seen the Alamo in person. I'm not going until they add a basement.

96. Swum in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone.

99. Been stung by a bee. But I sat on a wasp and it stung me on the ass. It hurt like a motherfucker until I drank myself into insensibility. I believe this encounter handily encapsulates many of the stereotypes about wasps: we are rigid, uncommunicative, venomous people, and the best way to deal with us is to dose yourself with large amounts of ethanol.