Friday, December 19, 2008

OK, here's what I've done about Christmas:


I mean, nothing since last update.

I mean, sure I've got nutcrackers and lights in the windows and a few lights in the yard.

But I've bought almost no presents (last minute internet shopping has atrophied whatever shopping/organizing skills I might have once had) the tree isn't up (my husband has been out of town all week, and there is no one to help me drag the tree up from the basement) and the Snapfish Christmas cards just arrived this afternoon. So they haven't been sent.

And on top of all that, I'm room parent for my daughter's sixth grade advisory. Well, not only have I not done anything about a class party for the wee tots, I haven't bought the teacher a present from the class dues (that I'm not absolutely certain I was supposed to collect) because I never asked anyone about it, and now it's too late.

And check this out: not one but two boys in my son's class decided that we don't have enough festive activities in the second half of December, so they're having birthday parties and they've invited my son. One on Sunday and one on Monday. And my husband's birthday is tomorrow.

Hello? What is with all these people fwomping like crazy in March? Can you not think of any other way to spend your long cold winter evenings? Here's a suggestion for you: instead of having sex yourself, watch the characters on Grey's Anatomy do it instead. Seriously, those people have way more sex than you'll ever have, and that way you won't end up having a baby in the same month as Christmas, causing the whole the world a passle of hassle.

Here's what I did today: drove downtown to take minutes at a board meeting, drove back up, went to my voice lesson, came home and did dishes, took my daughter to her voice lesson, brought stuff to dry cleaners, cooked dinner, drove to Blockbuster, rented three Grey's Anatomy DVDs, watched all the characters having sex while I sat there drinking Diet Coke because it's less fattening than wine, got wired on caffeine, did some more dishes, and remembered that I haven't blogged yet today.

Somehow I don't think this is going to end up being one of those legendary Christmases my kids will be telling their kids about.

But honestly, if all the rest of the normal shit could just go away, and if I didn't have a fucking Christmas music concert with either me or my children performing every fucking night, and if my husband could be home once in a while to carry heavy shit or shovel the driveway when we get a fucking foot of snow ... maybe I'd get some cookies baked. OK, forget that. I don't do cookies. But presents bought, wrapped, and shipped? Yeah. And I'd even get a few cards mailed.


  1. I adore you an all that, but I might have to stop reading your blog for a few days because I am seriously stressed over your procrastination. :-)

  2. Low expectations are the key to everything.

  3. Note to self: keep husband away from me in March. Got it...that was funny - "stop frumping like crazy in March" - I will spread that message

  4. You really had me laughing with this, only now I feel kinda guilty like I was enjoying your distress a little too much (which really I wasn't)!!! Keep your chin up, crack another Diet Coke and wade into the fray!

  5. I think the problem is that March is (sorta) Spring, and the sap starts rising and people naturally get to gamboling.

    TFBIM sends birthday wishes to TSMYM.


  6. Even with the hubs home, I got stuck with snow removal today. You got hit a lot harder than we did. Put the kids to work out there.

  7. We've had an abnormal amount of birthday parties this month too--something in the water--Count them: SEVEN birthdays! Whatever happened to these people celebrating the half-birthday in summertime???


Gentle Readers:

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xxx, Poppy.