Friday, December 19, 2008

Mamarazzi Friday: Our nipples explode with desire

And it's not for over-sharing Kelly Rutherford, that's for damned sure. Or her nipples. Or her continuing to breastfeed her two-year-old son Hermes while pregnant with her next child.

Got frosting?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, mock little old-fashioned me and my repressed New England belief that tandem nursing is not the sort of thing you talk about while being interviewed by US Weekly.

Of course, if you're blogging about it, all bets are off.

And just so you know, I didn't make fun of the nursing. I made fun of Rutherford for naming her son Hermes. Actually, when I realized that Kelly Rutherford had named her son after the Greek god of scarves, it completely distracted me from her breasts. Thank goodness.

Because you know how at Lamaze class they ask you to envision a comforting place, and everyone comes up with a tropical beach? Yeah, well I don't do beaches so much, so I think about the Hermes flagship store in Paris.

So anyway, Hermes? This is the sugarplum I'll be envisioning on Christmas Eve. The black crocodile Birkin with pave diamond trim.



Yes, it's way over-the-top. One might even call it vulgar. In fact, I do. But it's still just so damned amazing.

So, Santa Baby? Please put this $140,000 Birkin under my $125 Target tree. (If I ever manage to drag it up from the basement and decorate it, that is.)

Because when I think about this purse?

TMI Alert!




my nipples crinkle up like walnuts.

8 comments:

  1. Oh Poppy, my love. You've outdone yourself with this one.

    If I wasn't so dehydrated from shoveling the fucking foot of snow we got, I'd be crying with laughter.

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  2. oh for god's sake, i have breastfed four babies and still weigh a freaking ton. all i want to do is EAT.i never buy that "I am in supermodel shape by breastfeeding" crap.

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  3. So, women can lactate while pregnant! I learned this because I just did a Google search. My favorite result?

    Pregnant Milk
    Pregnant Milk Online.
    Shop Target.com

    I'll pass.

    But I'll take the Birkin Bag, thank you very much.

    ReplyDelete
  4. See? That's what I like about you.
    You are always true to yourself.

    AND DISGUSTING.

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  5. Who, or what, is *Kelly Rutherford* and why does she think we even care? Gawd these people are ridiculous.

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  6. I met a girl named Aphrodite in University. Me? I'd have gone with Persephone.

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  7. Greek god of scarves: brilliant.

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  8. No, dear, a Birkin is never vulgar. Those stupid LV's are. But a Birkin? Timeless.

    ReplyDelete

Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.