The story of a dork and her blog

You know, when things are really hectic in the Buxom household, my husband and I look at each other and say "action packed!" We've been saying it a lot lately, because it pretty much sums things up around here.

You may not realize it, but we're quoting Mickey, the escaped convict in Pee-wee's Big Adventure. So anyway, when I started writing this, I wanted to find out the name of the actor who played Mickey. I feel I owe him something, because that line of his has been a catch phrase around here for a really long time.

Yes, here, where we listen to dinosaur rock and quote catch phrases from movies that are 24 years old.

And so I did a little Googling to find out who played Mickey. That's what you young people are doing these days--googling, right? When you're not on MySpace.

Anyway, I haven't found the actor's name, but I did discover a list of the top 50 grossing movies of 1985.

In doing so, I've discovered that not only am I out of it now, I've been out of it for decades. I'm so out of it I'm like Miss Havisham in Great Expectations. Do yourselves a favor and don't nod understandingly when I say that, because it will cement you in out-of-it-ness, like Fortunato being walled up alive in "The Cask of Amontillado." Ditto on getting that reference. Don't go there.

Anyway, I'm such a dork I've only seen three of the top 50 movies of 1985. Yes, still. I've had 24 years to catch up on Back to the Future, but have I done it? No.

Sure, I could watch these movies on cable or maybe go to my local independently-owned video store and rent them on Betamax, but at this point, why bother? Do Michael J. Fox and Sylvester Stallone need the ego boost? Wouldn't it make them feel even more like has-beens?

At this point I think it would be safe to fake it and pretend that I've seen Rockie IV and The Goonies. In fact, I think I'll fake my way through the last 25 years. Honestly, if you wait long enough, you can read a nice succinct summary of everything that ever happened on Wikipedia, thus saving yourself the tedium of catching up with that whole Nightmare on Elm Street phenomenon.

While I'm at it, I think I'll use Wikipedia to catch up on Steven Seagal, Hootie and the Blowfish, and Six Degrees of What's-his-name.

Which gives me a really good idea. I should write a Wikipedia article about myself. After all, I've been blogging for going on five years. Nobody's going to wade through my archives except a stalker, a relative, or the kids at my kids' school.

Of course, at this point, the article would say something like this:

Poppy Buxom has been blathering away on the internet since 1993, heedless of the fact that she is laughably out of touch with pop culture, and, according to a few discerning critics, Western Civilization in general. She claims this is not true, and that it's her husband who doesn't even know who Madonna is.

In addition to her husband, she has two children, who have been known to patiently explain to her what "hip hop" is.